Featured in an Article in: Simply Me

Being that summer is write around the corner there are articles, blog posts, and videos being posted everywhere about "slimming down" for summer or how to find the perfect suit. Here is a blog post that has a similar theme with a completely different message. plus I contributed to the post so please take a look: Body Confidence in Plus Size Swimwear 

When we decided to disown our bodies for the shape they are we also disown and dishonor ourselves for the people we are. The greater times in which we find ourselves with shame being the leading voice, the more depressed and anxious we will find ourselves. However, when we throw out the shame by deleting "I should", "I hate", "They are better", "I will never" and things of the like we begin to accept ourselves, even if its on the radical level of just accepting thats where we are at even if we don't like it. All of this push and pull we demand of ourselves is unreasonable and in fact will not get us to where we want to be in a healthy way. 

If we can integrate mindful approaches to the way in which we engage in life evidence from my own life as well as research from people like Zindel Segal, PHD (The creator of Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) have proven that being mindful will yield healthier and more satisfying results. 

Here are some practices to begin incorporating in your daily life as it relates to body-image: 

1. Begin to bath yourself mindfully, appreciating how soap, lotion and or other bath products feels on your skin as its applied. This can shifts your attention away from your appearance towards how your body feels. To be aware of the present moment you must be present in your body.

2. Exercise and feel your heart rate, sweat, or how your arms and legs feel while doing it. Practice yoga for example to gain further awareness of where your body is in space. When exercise is only seen as a weight loss method, it can often lose some of the other positive mental health effects such as stress reduction. 

3. Allow yourself to be proud of what your body can do. When you notice improvements in your physical health/body (no matter how small), take the time to pause and celebrate your progress. Then reward yourself by increasing your self-care perhaps by getting a massage or a facial or even buying a book you've been wanting to read.

Read other posts in my blog as I comment on mindfulness and body image throughout it in various ways as it relates to your mental health. 

Relationships and Food: Guest Blog By Erika Holmes

Food for thought: The relationship between food and relationships

I've heard it said that "how you do one thing is how you do everything." Patterns we build permeate our lives. In my work with people with eating disorders , I have seen that people's relationships with food are often similar to their relationships with people. If "how you do one thing is how you do everything", then it follows that it would be helpful to notice relational patterns, put them in line with values, and capitalize on the potential for that change to influence other aspects in your life. Sometimes when you move social relationships towards values, your relationship with food shifts as a byproduct. 

Anorexia Nervosa

Relationship with food characterized as: avoidant, fearful, rigid, insufficient, shame around size and hunger. 

How do those patterns show up in relationships? Maybe you isolate or avoid people or avoid situations (likely ones involving food, but probably others as well). Maybe you have social anxiety. Maybe you are rigid with socializing and keep a tight schedule or get nervous is plans change or interactions arent neat and tidy. Maybe your social interactions happen infrequently or are surface level and dont sustain the human need for true connection. Maybe you are scared that being in relationships will feel suffocating or heavy or cause discomfort so you avoid them. Maybe you have a fear that you will be too much or need to much and end up people pleasing or keeping a distance in an attempt to stay small. 

Bulimia Nervosa

Relationship with food characterized as: conflicted, chaotic, secretive, shame based. 

How do those patterns show up in relationships? Maybe you seem to have alot of conflict in relationships. Maybe you struggle with boundaries and when to say "yes" or "no" or "I've had enough". Maybe you experience extreemes in relationships of being very close then very distant. Maybe you have guilt and shame over what you want or need or have done in relationships. Relationships may scare you and you struggle with keeping them in balance and tolerating the discomfort they can sometimes bring. 

Binge Eating Disorder

Relationship with food characterized as: lacking boundaries, lacking sense of control, soothing or escapist. 

How do those patterns show up in relationships? Maybe you struggle with knowing how much to give in relationships and end up people pleasing or going past your limits with relationships. Maybe in relationships you feel like you dont have a voice or that voice isnt respected when you set boundaries or express needs. Maybe you have a difficult time being alone and find people to fill your time, even when you know those people arent "good" for you. Maybe you have codependency traits and regulate your mood through focusing on others. 

These lists certainly arent exhaustive and may not fit everyone perfectly. My intention is simply too spark curiosity. Its not helpful to judge or justify patterns. Better to simply observe them and then do what you can to align food and relationship patterns with long term goals and values.

If you notice that you resonate with any of these food or relational patterns, know that there is help and hope. 

- By Erika Holmes, visit her site at: http://www.coloradocft.com/erika-holmes-lmft/

Mangaing the holidays with an eating disorder

Here is a guide on what to do during the holiday:

First off, have a support system in place: It can be a therapist, a dietitian or a family member (a safe, non-triggering family member). If someone who you consider a part of your support system is with you during the holiday, talk with them in advance and let them know, "I need your help."

Steer clear of negative body talk: Negative body talk at the holidays is as American as apple pie (diet culture has seeped in all aspects of our lives, for example things like saying "the diet starts tomorrow" or "this stuffing is going straight to my thighs"). Honestly, anyone and everyone should avoid this kind of body talk.

If you have a meal plan, follow it:  This doesn't mean you have to skip dessert. It does mean you shouldn't starve yourself all day in advance of the big meal. You can work through the holidays  and still stay on your meal plan and have that structure, and a dietitian can help you figure out what that looks like.

Have coping mechanisms ready: It's important to develop a plan for what to do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Write down your coping skills and keep them handy, like a safety plan. So you don't have to scramble when you're triggered and you can take care of yourself.

Focus on gratitude: The holidays are "supposed to be about gratitude", so try to embrace that.  Focus on enjoying yourself and your loved ones as much as you can. It can help shift the focus away from food.

What loved ones can do

Make sure you understand the disease: The food and the weight obsession — that’s the surface part of it —  but there’s so much else going on. Eating disorders are influenced by "a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors," according to NEDA.

Don't be afraid to ask: People don't always know how to ask for help, so before the holiday meal ask how you can support.

If you see behavior that's concerning, talk to the person. It could be on that day, but it may be at a later time. It's important to find a quiet, private space, and to gauge how the person is feeling, Mysko said. Does the person seem especially anxious? Then wait for another time.

Remember is about feelings. Often times the person is experiencing a lot of shame, so you want to approach the conversation and be very clear that you’re not judging that person, that you care about them.

Quit the "food moralizing":  Things like saying "good foods" (turkey) and "bad foods" (pie) and "I'm being so bad." Sadly, these conversations have become commonplace, and we must make an effort to avoid them.

You Deserve Respect

I follow a few different guru's in the field and one thing that became a topic of discussion is the idea of what we as individuals "deserve".

First off, you deserve to trust your body’s cues and nourish yourself, no matter what size you are. Respect yourself and your body by listening to it and allowing it to have a voice. 

In order to get to that point, its helpful to stop restricting and stop feeling out of control with food, no matter what size you are. Food doesn't need to own you and your thoughts. The more we focus on our diet the more out of control we generally feel. Turn the dial on the volume of your inner critic and listen to your bodies sensations and feelings.

Its even important to recognize that you deserve, to be able to walk down the street without fear, no matter what size you are.

You deserve to be mindful, and in the here and now in the big, and small, everyday moments—no matter what size you are. You can be you and not have to shrink your body before you're allowed to live fully. 

You can miss out on these kinds of opportunities—or not even realize what kinds of opportunities that are available if your are focused on your size. Acknowledging and practicing what you true passionate about is the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

So let go out having your mind focused completely occupied by the rules and restrictions of diet culture.  By jumping into a mindful of hope, freedom and joy for the future without diet culture controlling your happiness. If you blame yourself for falling into diet culture that can also be a trap that can hinder your joy, do you best to recognize that you deserve to be free of guilt, shame, and unrealistic expectations.

Anger is Keeping You Stuck in Unhealthy Eating Behaviors

Eating disorders and negative patterns with food begin with personal pain (that can look like a lot of different things for people) and set up a vicious cycle of anger: destructive behavior, shame, depression, self-hate, and back to anger.  This anger is taken out on the self, as well as anyone that tries to take away or change the negative patterns with food the person may have. No matter what your food patterns, the misuse of food starts as a natural response of anger to pain. The longer the individual holds on to anger and the longer people respond to the individual with the negative patterns the longer the struggle tends to continue. 

For those that are conflict avoidant this faces a difficult challenge because they often cannot even identify that they are in fact angry. Breaking the cycle and finding the strength to disconnect from an unhealthy relationship with food requires relearning not only the proper response to food, but also the proper response to anger. Often society has taught us that anger is "bad", however it is as natural part of life and our emotions.

Recovery from an eating disorder can only be realized once you dig into the true origin of that anger. To free yourself from the control that anger is imposing on your choices, its recommended that re-experiencing your anger in its fullness,  is often the only way to let it go, and move on. 

Are you or your teen struggling with anger, shame, a disconnect with your feelings, it may be time to connect in order to begin the process of recovery.