Assessing Whether Your Teen/Child Needs Help

As parents there are a ton of things to consider/worry about. If you think your child may be in a position that they can benefit from therapy, here are some questions to ask yourself to help clarify.

• What is your child telling you through their behaviors?

• What physical symptoms has your child been experiencing?

• What are you worried about for your child?

• Are you as the parent experiencing anything that could be indirectly affecting your children?

Remember your children don’t have the same language adults have when it comes to explaining whats going on with them, ask them about their feelings. Again, emotional and mental issues often show up somatically, through physical pain, nausea, dizziness, sleep changes.

Your children are sponges, yes you may not be verbally sharing your stresses with them, yet your children are quite perspectives to their environment and the people in it.

Respond with Acceptance

Move Away from Blame

Blaming yourself, your child or others will most likely lead to anger and resentment

Start the Conversation

In a calm and clear way communicate your concern

Reach out for Support

Assemble a support system for yourself and your teen, whether that’s family, friends and/or a treatment team.

Suicide Prevention Awareness Week September 9th-15th

Suicide is often the last thing that people want to talk about. It often lives in the darkest part of our minds, and is linked with feelings of fear, shame, loneliness. Over the past few years, it does seem that people are talking about it more, more crisis centers are being established across the country. More teachers, managers, parents and professionals are being educated on the signs of someone feeling depressed, anxious, and/or suicidal. AND we must keep moving forward on building awareness about prevention.

Here are some simple things that you can do to help:

1. Ask! There has long been this myth that if you ask someone if they are suicidial that they will become suicidal, this is far from true, and most people will give you an indication on whether your suspicions are accurate when you simply ask: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

2. Keep them safe. If you are worried that you alone will not be able to keep a person safe bring them to a walk-in center, or the ER where trained professionals can monitor them, and help improve the individuals stability and safety.

3. Be connected. Often times when a person feels suicidal they are at a point where they feel that nothing will get better, and that no one can help them. Remind the person that they are not alone, and that support for their mental health is available.

4. Don’t judge, validate, Being vulnerable can be extremely difficult, do your best to express compassion and understanding for why the person feels the way they do. Offer support, rather than solutions in the moment.

5. Follow up. Ask the person how they feel, and do your best to ignore signs of them needing help.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741. You can reach Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada) and The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386.

5 Ways to Help Teens With Anxiety/Dread with Going Back to School

This time a year in my office I see teens and young adults worried about returning to school after summer break. Things that teens may be saying and facing are thoughts such as:

• Who will be my new teachers? 

• What if my new teacher is mean, annoying, too hard on me?

• Will any of my friends be in my classes? 

• Will I fit in, will my social group change or have conflict? 

• Are my clothes, my backpack, my hair good? 

• Will I look stupid?

• Who will I sit with at lunch?

• What if I can’t understand the new schoolwork or homework?

Here are the 5 tips to Help Teens Deal with Anxiety/Dread

1. Avoid giving reassurance...instead, problem-solve and plan! Many times teens don't want to sit and talk for extended periods of time, so making it count can be important. They often time want to hear validation for their thoughts and feelings, perhaps even some action plan steps to problem solve. Focusing on what they are saying rather than what you think may might want to hear is a very valuable note when it comes to communication.

2. Role-play with your teen. This may look different than actually acting things out, it may be just asking them imagining how they want the stressful event to go, having them visualize it in their mind, of all the ways that it might go "wrong" and figuring out solutions and then all the way it could go "right" and all the success they can have.

3. Focus on the positive aspects! School can bring a teen a lot of go and fulfillment if they and you focus on how they will be returning to their sport activities, or theater, or simply seeing their friends more often than over the summer. Shifting a teens perspective to all the great things that come with school can truly help them focus on the positive aspects of going to school.

4. Let up on the pressure. Most teens have their teachers, parents, peers and themselves laying on the expectations and pressure. If you're worried about your teens performance ask them what their own expectations for grades are, or what they think is a realistic amount of time to study. Then, hold them to that, and if things need to readjust have it be a conversation rather than a "this is what I expect of you" sort of message.

5. Encourage them to ask for help. Teens can get it in their head they know everything there is to know, or see asking for help as a weakness or a burden to others. By having them think, feel and behave this way without intervention keeps them closed off and shut down. If they can see others ask for support and help often, you are modeling healthy communication skills, and boundaries. Your teen is still learning, just like everyone is, so forget the whole "I'm an island" mentality if you want to have healthy relationships with others. 

Mangaing the holidays with an eating disorder

Here is a guide on what to do during the holiday:

First off, have a support system in place: It can be a therapist, a dietitian or a family member (a safe, non-triggering family member). If someone who you consider a part of your support system is with you during the holiday, talk with them in advance and let them know, "I need your help."

Steer clear of negative body talk: Negative body talk at the holidays is as American as apple pie (diet culture has seeped in all aspects of our lives, for example things like saying "the diet starts tomorrow" or "this stuffing is going straight to my thighs"). Honestly, anyone and everyone should avoid this kind of body talk.

If you have a meal plan, follow it:  This doesn't mean you have to skip dessert. It does mean you shouldn't starve yourself all day in advance of the big meal. You can work through the holidays  and still stay on your meal plan and have that structure, and a dietitian can help you figure out what that looks like.

Have coping mechanisms ready: It's important to develop a plan for what to do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Write down your coping skills and keep them handy, like a safety plan. So you don't have to scramble when you're triggered and you can take care of yourself.

Focus on gratitude: The holidays are "supposed to be about gratitude", so try to embrace that.  Focus on enjoying yourself and your loved ones as much as you can. It can help shift the focus away from food.

What loved ones can do

Make sure you understand the disease: The food and the weight obsession — that’s the surface part of it —  but there’s so much else going on. Eating disorders are influenced by "a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors," according to NEDA.

Don't be afraid to ask: People don't always know how to ask for help, so before the holiday meal ask how you can support.

If you see behavior that's concerning, talk to the person. It could be on that day, but it may be at a later time. It's important to find a quiet, private space, and to gauge how the person is feeling, Mysko said. Does the person seem especially anxious? Then wait for another time.

Remember is about feelings. Often times the person is experiencing a lot of shame, so you want to approach the conversation and be very clear that you’re not judging that person, that you care about them.

Quit the "food moralizing":  Things like saying "good foods" (turkey) and "bad foods" (pie) and "I'm being so bad." Sadly, these conversations have become commonplace, and we must make an effort to avoid them.

Asking for Help

A variety of therapeutic theories promote that asking for help is a sign of strength, emotionally vulnerability and humility. When you ask people, even your therapist might pose a question that is directed for you to answer for yourself, with straight forward advice or simply the “follow your gut” response. 

As an individual you can grow by asking others, think of it as an information gathering process, doing the research, reviewing the evidence. 

However what do you do when you ask for help, and you don’t receive a response? What if the response you do receive is primarily motivated by the desires of the person responding?

In either of these situations I try to look within myself in why these situations may be the result of my inquisition. Do I want someone to solve the problem for me? Or take the responsibility of the situation out of my hands and place it in another’s, so if something undesirable happens I can blame them? 

I’d encourage everyone to remember that something’s are not meant to be resolved, and just are, which is a part of acceptance, even if it’s something that we don’t like. 

Mediate and pray about what’s the most effective way to handle the conundrums you find yourself in.

I’d love to hear back from you, leave your thoughts below.