Mangaing the holidays with an eating disorder

Here is a guide on what to do during the holiday:

First off, have a support system in place: It can be a therapist, a dietitian or a family member (a safe, non-triggering family member). If someone who you consider a part of your support system is with you during the holiday, talk with them in advance and let them know, "I need your help."

Steer clear of negative body talk: Negative body talk at the holidays is as American as apple pie (diet culture has seeped in all aspects of our lives, for example things like saying "the diet starts tomorrow" or "this stuffing is going straight to my thighs"). Honestly, anyone and everyone should avoid this kind of body talk.

If you have a meal plan, follow it:  This doesn't mean you have to skip dessert. It does mean you shouldn't starve yourself all day in advance of the big meal. You can work through the holidays  and still stay on your meal plan and have that structure, and a dietitian can help you figure out what that looks like.

Have coping mechanisms ready: It's important to develop a plan for what to do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Write down your coping skills and keep them handy, like a safety plan. So you don't have to scramble when you're triggered and you can take care of yourself.

Focus on gratitude: The holidays are "supposed to be about gratitude", so try to embrace that.  Focus on enjoying yourself and your loved ones as much as you can. It can help shift the focus away from food.

What loved ones can do

Make sure you understand the disease: The food and the weight obsession — that’s the surface part of it —  but there’s so much else going on. Eating disorders are influenced by "a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors," according to NEDA.

Don't be afraid to ask: People don't always know how to ask for help, so before the holiday meal ask how you can support.

If you see behavior that's concerning, talk to the person. It could be on that day, but it may be at a later time. It's important to find a quiet, private space, and to gauge how the person is feeling, Mysko said. Does the person seem especially anxious? Then wait for another time.

Remember is about feelings. Often times the person is experiencing a lot of shame, so you want to approach the conversation and be very clear that you’re not judging that person, that you care about them.

Quit the "food moralizing":  Things like saying "good foods" (turkey) and "bad foods" (pie) and "I'm being so bad." Sadly, these conversations have become commonplace, and we must make an effort to avoid them.

Listening to Shame by Brene Brown

I've shared her work on my blog before, but she is a true inspiration to me, and I feel like her work needs to be shared with the masses, not just the helping professionals. So take sometime to listen to her and sit with what she has to say about Shame. 

Disordered vs Disciplined

There is a thin line between what makes up disordered eating from "disciplined eating" or diet as commonly called. Diet culture is everywhere, and it often comes disguised as a "healthy food plan".

Dieting is a preoccupation of food and/or exercise, and is seen as "normal" in our culture, seemingly an innocent attempt at eating healthy. Yet it can lead to disordered eating especially when those "dieting" get positive feedback from others. The more positive feedback one gets, the more likely they are to continue in similar behaviors. 

Anxiety often builds over eating, and/or shame develops as a result of eating. This is the danger of dieting, foods get labeled as "good/bad" healthy/unhealthy", broken down into calories, fats, carbohydrates, sodium and so on. While being educated about the food we put in our bodies, placing judgements on them is the slippery-slope. 

When people begin thinking about food and/or exercises often, it allows them to distract themselves from other emotional concerns in their life. In other words having this preoccupation about food/body shape/exercise allows an individual to avoid and numb other problems. This is reason for concern because the long they utilize eating/not-eating as a coping skill to distract/avoid the worse their health becomes and most likely their problems begin to snowball as well.

If you think you or a loved one is on this path, please don't hesitate to contact me or another professional about these concerns.