Getting to Know Your Inner Parts: Why You’re Not Broken

By: Skyler Tritt

Have you ever noticed how one moment you feel confident and ready to take on the world, and the next moment another voice in your head shows up with doubts, criticism, or even fear? Maybe there’s a part of you that longs to rest and relax, but another part insists you keep pushing through. Or perhaps there’s a playful, lighthearted side of you that gets shut down by a more serious, responsible voice.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In fact, this is exactly what the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model is built around the understanding that we are made up of many different “parts,” and that this is completely normal. You are not broken or “too much.” You’re human.

What Are “Parts,” Anyway?

In IFS, “parts” are simply the different sides of ourselves that show up in different situations. Think of them as inner family members, each with their own feelings, perspectives, and roles. For example:

  • A critical part that points out your mistakes.

  • A protective part that keeps you from getting too close to others.

  • A fun-loving part that just wants to enjoy life.

  • A worried part that tries to plan for every possible problem.

It can feel chaotic at times, but every part actually has a positive intention—it’s trying to help you, even if its strategy isn’t always helpful.

You Are Not Broken

One of the most comforting truths of IFS is this: having different parts doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’ve adapted. Our parts usually form in response to our life experiences. Maybe that critical voice helped you strive for safety or approval growing up. Maybe the part that avoids conflict protected you from pain.

When we look at parts this way, we can begin to soften toward them. Instead of thinking, “Why am I like this?” we can begin to ask, “What is this part trying to do for me?”

Meeting Your Parts with Curiosity

IFS invites us to shift from judgment to curiosity. The next time you notice an inner voice—whether it’s anxious, demanding, or even harsh—try pausing to ask:

  • What is this part worried about?

  • What is it hoping to protect me from?

  • How long has it been carrying this role?

You may be surprised at the wisdom that comes forward.

The Role of Self

Alongside all your parts, IFS believes there is also something deeper: your Self. Self is the calm, compassionate, centered core of who you are. When you connect with Self, you can listen to your parts without being overwhelmed by them. Think of it as being the caring parent your inner family has always needed.

A Gentle First Step

You don’t have to dive in all at once. A gentle first step is simply noticing when different parts of you show up throughout your day. “A part of me feels nervous about this meeting.” “Another part of me wants to say yes, but a part of me wants to say no.” Naming your parts helps you remember: you are more than any single thought, feeling, or behavior.

You’re not broken—you’re beautifully complex. And every part of you belongs.

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO

We offer a variety of additional services besides brain-spotting and EMDR therapy. WellMinded Counseling also offers the following therapy services:

What I Am Reading and Why You Should Too

By: Courtney Miller

What I Am Reading and Why You Should Too: Queen-One Way or Another

Majority of us have probably seen the movie, The Other Boylen Sister; hearing about King Henry VIII, Anne Boylen, and Queen Katherine. However, how many of us know about what happened before that. The Constant Princess by Phillippa Gregory begins by introducing everyone to King Henry VIII when he is just a child and Queen Katherine when she is engaged to his older brother.

This book not only allows everyone to learn the history of the relationship and how each of them individually grew. This book is historical fiction; it was made for enjoyment; it allows the reader to relax after a long day at work. One of the best things about the book is that it is told from Queen Katherine’s point of view. All Philippa Gregory’s books are in female perspective but this is written from both Queen Katherines and another source. The book allows everyone to see that rich people do not always have it easy. For example, the kings were always having to fight to keep their title. This book also allows young girls to see how believing in one self can truly help-even if it takes a while. The girl in the book went years without money, having to use same clothes (which royalty often did not), and barely any food; but she did it and she got what she wanted.


When the book first begins Queen Katherine is a child in Spain, yet she is ordering everyone around and already calling herself a queen. From then on Katherine never “bends over”, she is in charge, even if she is nervous. She lets her fiancé’s dad (the King of England) that she did not appreciate how he was disrespecting her. When her first husband was dying, he begged Katherine to marry his brother so she could follow through with their plans. In between marriages the King tries to convince her to marry him by taking from her, but she wouldn’t bend. This can also show people how to work on building self-confidence.  Queen Katherine was not like any of the women of her time. This can help people remind themselves never to be ashamed of who they are, or hide their true selves.

The book goes into detail regarding the time period. The number of times people bathed, clothes, shoes, meals a day (wait until you read that) and the hats! The book also goes into great detail regarding the difference between the royals and commoners. One of the biggest things discussed in the book is when wealthy women have babies-they have to go into confinement a few months before the baby is due and then wait a few months after until they can come out-until they are “clean” and can be around men again. 

Yes, this book states a lot of historical differences to now, but the major difference is this book you are able to read to relax, read and choose who you want to win. Everything is up to you. 

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO

We offer a variety of additional services besides brain-spotting and EMDR therapy. WellMinded Counseling also offers the following therapy services:

Why It's So Hard to Set Boundaries (and How to Start Anyway)

By: Brady Tobin

“The first step to setting effective boundaries is to understand the boundaries that we want to have.”

I invite you to take a moment and reflect on where boundaries appeared for you throughout your childhood. Feel free to think about the rules that were set within your household, classrooms, and social circles. Maybe your mind goes directly to times when you broke these rules, or maybe when others broke them. If possible, can you remember any explanations that were provided on why the rules existed? Did you feel they were fair and consistent?
If you were raised in a way in which you learned to stay within certain boundaries and why those boundaries mattered, and if every influential adult or mentor was consistent in reinforcing them, congratulations, you probably learned how to set and enforce boundaries on your own (feel free to keep reading, anyway).
Considering all of the qualifiers included in the above scenario and the sheer amount of influential adults in our lives growing up, it’s safe to say most of us don’t fall into that camp. If you found yourself to be unfairly disciplined in your home or in school and/or it was not clearly marked what the rules were or why they mattered, it may be a little more challenging to identify, state, and enforce your boundaries with others or to honor and respect others’ boundaries. Setting boundaries may never have been modeled for us. Let’s be real, for many of us the opposite was modeled. So it follows that we are most likely not going to be the best at interacting with boundaries.

“So what is a boundary anyway?”
Let’s define what a boundary is. I like to think of a boundary as being a set of preferences a human being has surrounding any particular emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, or social concept. When we think about boundaries, it can be helpful to divide them into six different types of boundaries.
Material: Treatment of possessions or property and how they are shared. Preferences and needs regarding possessions and property.

Emotional: What, where, and how much a person shares their emotional life.

Sexual: How sexual matters are discussed. When, where, and how sexual material is presented. Consent related to sexual or sexually suggestive words, jokes, images, gestures, or touch.

Time: How you relate to others’ and your own time. How time-related needs and preferences are handled.

Intellectual: Preferences related to how opinions, thoughts, and conversational topics are shared and handled.

Physical: Preferences surrounding your physical body. Personal space as experienced through your senses. Preferences for respect, privacy, closeness, and touch.The aim of Family Therapy

In addition to these six types of boundaries above, there are also three different styles of boundaries we can have. Most likely, our boundary styles will differ depending on the type of boundary we are setting as well as the situation.

Rigid: The castle wall. Rigid boundaries are strong and impenetrable and, even when you want to cross them, you would be unable to. Enforced heavily.

Porous: A line in the sand. Sure, the boundary is there, but anyone can cross it. It may even be washed away. Often, it’s difficult to define what the boundary is. Not enforced at all.

Flexible: A fence with a gate. The middle ground between porous and rigid. Having flexible boundaries allows for us to cross them when it feels safe to do so and maintain them when we want to. Enforced effectively.

Just like the words “self-care” and “trauma”, “boundary” has seemed to find its way into the mental health vernacular. Some might say terms like these are now overused, and as a mental health professional I promote we be really cautious with what we are talking about when using these terms, but there’s a reason they are popular: they are important!

Our emotional health is related to the health of our boundaries. If our boundaries are not respected, then our needs may not be met. If we let our boundaries be crossed, we are showing others it is okay to cross them. It’s stressful to have our boundaries crossed, and if it keeps happening we run the risk of experiencing chronic stress. This can lead to burnout at work, relationship problems, and developing or worsening mental health challenges.

In addition, if we don’t know how to interact with our own boundaries, we probably don’t know how to interact with others’. This can potentially lead to unknowingly causing others stress and harm and can make connection with others more difficult.

How to turn boundaries into effective boundaries

I left something out of the three boundary styles discussed above. In the counseling world, “flexible” boundaries are also known as “healthy” boundaries. This is the style of boundary we strive to have for the majority of our boundaries because it provides a route for us to build trusting relationships with others while not sacrificing our own values and preferences. So why did I avoid this label? Well, in Dialectical Behavior Theory, we like shy away from qualifying anything as “healthy”/“unhealthy”, “good”/”evil”, or “right”/”wrong” as they are all defined in different ways by different people and, more often than not, carry harmful judgements along with them. Instead, we like to talk about what is effective versus what is ineffective. In saying something is effective, we are saying that it will have positive consequences for us down the road. While an ineffective action might make us feel good in the moment, it will have long-term negative consequences for us.

So what does this mean in regards to boundaries? Well, it’s up to us to decide whether the boundaries we have and how we enforce them are effective or not. It’s okay to have rigid and porous boundaries. What will not be effective for us is if we reinforce our rigid boundaries in a way that will negatively impact ourselves long-term. So how do we ensure we set effective boundaries?

The first step to setting effective boundaries is to understand the boundaries that we want to have. I invite you to reflect on the six types of boundaries and make a list of beliefs, preferences, and needs you have considering the various relationships and settings that are present in your life. This can be done on your own or with the support of a therapist. After you identify them, I invite you to notice when they arise in your daily life. 
Once you are familiar with your own boundaries, feel free to use the Psychiatric Rehabilitation Association’s Four Skills for Setting Boundaries (2014).

1: Name the behavior

Simply naming when a boundary is being crossed can help you in a variety of ways. It is relatively non-confrontational, can help make the person aware of their own actions, and alert others to the situation. It can also help you gain more clarity on how you feel about the boundary being crossed.

2: Give a directive

Be as clear and concise when telling the other person what you want them to do. People listen to directives! This also helps you assert the situation, helps others become aware of the situation, and shows you are clear about what you want.

3: Repeat directive, add a consequence

If these first two steps don’t work, let the other person know what you are going to do if they continue to not respect your boundaries. This is a skill of persistence and will prevent you from being diverted or manipulated as well as demonstrating your intentions.

4: Follow through with the consequence and end it

If the person is still not respecting your boundaries, follow through with the consequence. Even after following the above steps, it just doesn’t always work out. We can only control ourselves and can’t make anyone else respect us. In this case, we can end the discussion. We can leave the room, ask for help from someone else, or end a relationship if our boundaries are repeatedly not being respected.

Effective boundary setting is not something that happens overnight. We will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Also, setting larger boundaries can be daunting. Feel free to start with smaller boundaries that feel accessible, explore boundaries within relationships that are less significant to you. Once you feel comfortable, you will have the tools and experience to effectively address your larger boundaries.

While reflecting on your childhood experiences, the question may have arisen for you: "Why didn’t anyone teach this to me when I was younger? If I learned this earlier, it could have helped me in so many different areas of my life. Things could have been different!” The trick is, if we don’t have these past experiences, then we can’t learn from them and we can’t appreciate the importance and gravity of setting boundaries. I invite you to offer some compassion to yourself, and bring some gentle understanding to the fact that, while these past experiences with boundaries may have hurt or harmed you and others, you can learn from them and grow.

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO

We offer a variety of additional services besides brain-spotting and EMDR therapy. WellMinded Counseling also offers the following therapy services:

Healing from the Inside Out: The Transformative Power of Somatic Therapy

By: Sky Tritt

Somatic healing is an incredibly powerful and transformative approach that can work hand-in-hand with traditional therapy, offering individuals a deeper way to connect with their bodies, emotions, and past experiences.

This holistic method can help people who have been impacted by trauma, chronic stress, or emotional blockages find healing through body awareness and mindfulness. But why is somatic healing so important, and how can it complement conventional therapy? Let’s dive into the concept and the benefits of combining somatic healing with therapeutic practices.

What is Somatic Healing?

So, what exactly is somatic healing? At its core, somatic healing is a body-focused approach to therapy that recognizes the connection between the mind and body. It is based on the understanding that trauma, stress, and emotional pain are not just psychological issues, but are also stored in the body. Somatic therapists work with clients to explore these physical sensations, and through various techniques—such as breathwork, movement, and mindfulness, help individuals release tension, trauma, and repressed emotions stored in the body.

This approach draws from a variety of therapeutic methods, including somatic experiencing, trauma-sensitive yoga, and other body-based therapies. The goal is to empower individuals to listen to and work through the messages their body is sending, which in turn promotes healing and balance in both their mental and physical states.

Why Combine Somatic Healing with Traditional Therapy?

While traditional talk therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Psychodynamic Therapy are incredibly effective for understanding thought patterns and processing emotions, and somatic healing offers a more integrated approach. Our bodies are constantly processing information, and many unresolved emotional issues or traumas manifest physically. Whether it’s a tight jaw, stomach/intestinal issues, or shortness of breath, our bodies often hold onto stress and emotions in ways that are not immediately apparent through verbal communication alone.

Traditional therapy can help individuals gain insight into their thoughts, beliefs, and past experiences, but somatic healing helps to bridge the gap between the mind and body. By tapping into this connection, somatic therapy allows individuals to release physical manifestations of trauma that may otherwise be trapped in the body, reducing stress and enabling emotional release that helps clients feel more integrated and whole.

How Somatic Healing Supports Trauma Recovery

Trauma is often stored not only in our minds but also within our bodies. When someone experiences trauma, the body may react by freezing, tensing, or dissociating, making it harder to process and move through the experience. This is especially true for individuals who have experienced complex trauma or long-term stress. Somatic healing provides an essential release for these pent-up physical sensations, allowing individuals to reclaim their bodies from past traumatic events.

Many people who have experienced trauma often feel disconnected from their bodies, whether it’s through numbness, tension, or an inability to feel grounded. Somatic healing can help to reconnect people to their bodies in a safe and supportive way. This process may involve mindfulness exercises, body scanning, or guided movement to identify where trauma is being held. Once this connection is made, therapists can guide clients in releasing these physical blocks, helping to reduce symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

The Benefits of Combining Somatic Healing and Therapy

  1. Increased Emotional Awareness
    Somatic healing helps individuals become more attuned to their emotional and physical states. By paying attention to bodily sensations, clients can develop a deeper understanding of their emotions and how they impact their body. This heightened awareness can complement traditional therapy, where clients work through their thoughts and emotions in a more intellectual way, leading to a more well-rounded healing process.

  2. Releasing Repressed Emotions
    Sometimes, the mind pushes difficult emotions out of conscious awareness because they are too overwhelming to confront. This can cause those emotions to be stored in the body. Through somatic practices, clients can learn to safely explore these emotions, allowing them to release long-held grief, anger, or fear. This release can provide a sense of relief and clarity that traditional talk therapy alone may not fully address.

  3. Relieving Physical Symptoms of Stress
    Stress and anxiety often show up in the body—tight shoulders, a clenched jaw, or shortness of breath. Somatic healing teaches individuals how to recognize and release these physical symptoms of stress, helping to calm the nervous system. When combined with therapy, this can help individuals feel more centered and less overwhelmed by their emotions, promoting emotional stability and balance.

  4. Building a Stronger Mind-Body Connection
    Many individuals who have experienced trauma or prolonged stress may struggle with dissociation or feeling disconnected from their bodies. Somatic healing encourages clients to tune into their physical sensations, fostering a more grounded and integrated sense of self. This practice helps individuals reclaim control over their bodies and minds, which is crucial for healing.

Conclusion: A Holistic Path to Healing

Somatic healing is an invaluable tool that can enhance the therapeutic process and offer individuals a more integrated path to recovery. By addressing the body’s role in emotional and psychological well-being, somatic healing can help individuals release stored trauma, increase emotional awareness, and alleviate the physical effects of stress and anxiety. When paired with traditional therapy, somatic practices provide a holistic approach to healing that can result in lasting transformation and a deeper connection to oneself. Whether you are healing from trauma, navigating emotional struggles, or simply seeking to improve your well-being, combining somatic healing with therapy can provide the support and tools needed for profound change.

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO

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Reclaiming Balance: Practical Strategies to Overcome Burnout

By: Kiersten Eaker, MA Intern

Burnout has become a common experience in today’s world.

It manifests as emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion, often stemming from prolonged stress or over-commitment. Recognizing that you are in a burnout cycle is the first step in trying to reduce its effects by implementing effective management strategies that can help you reclaim your energy and well-being.

Recognize the Signs

Burnout can present itself in various ways, including chronic fatigue, irritability, lack of motivation, and feelings of hopelessness. If you notice these symptoms, it’s important to acknowledge them and be curious about where it is stemming from, instead of pushing through.

Set Boundaries

One of the primary contributors to burnout is not setting boundaries. Whether at work or in your personal life, learning to say no when your plate is full can help decrease stress while staying true to yourself. Establish clear limits on your time and energy. This may involve delegating tasks, prioritizing essential activities, or taking breaks to recharge. By protecting your time, you can create space for rest and rejuvenation.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is a necessity. Incorporate activities that nourish your mind and body into your daily routine. This could include exercise, meditation, reading, or spending time in nature. Regular physical activity has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood, while mindfulness practices can enhance emotional resilience. Find what works for you and make it a non-negotiable part of your day.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help ground you in the present moment and reduce overwhelming feelings. Try focusing on your breath or engaging in guided meditation to foster a sense of calm and clarity. Mindfulness helps to disrupt the cycle of negative thoughts that often accompany burnout.

Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support, whether it’s from friends, family, or professionals. Sharing your feelings can lighten the burden and provide new perspectives. Building a support network can make a significant difference in your recovery journey.

Create a Balanced Routine

Finally, aim to create a balanced routine that incorporates work, rest, and leisure. Strive for a harmonious blend of responsibilities and activities that bring joy. Schedule regular breaks throughout your day and make time for hobbies and social interactions. Having a routine that you enjoy and can rest in is beneficial in preventing the cycle from restarting.

Managing burnout requires intentional effort and self-awareness. Recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, practicing mindfulness, seeking support, and creating balance, may help combat burnout. Remember, it’s essential to listen to your body and mind—rest is not a weakness, but a crucial component of a fulfilling life.

OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO & TAMPA, FL

We offer a variety of additional services besides brain-spotting and EMDR therapy. WellMinded Counseling also offers the following therapy services: