Featured in an Article in: Simply Me

Being that summer is write around the corner there are articles, blog posts, and videos being posted everywhere about "slimming down" for summer or how to find the perfect suit. Here is a blog post that has a similar theme with a completely different message. plus I contributed to the post so please take a look: Body Confidence in Plus Size Swimwear 

When we decided to disown our bodies for the shape they are we also disown and dishonor ourselves for the people we are. The greater times in which we find ourselves with shame being the leading voice, the more depressed and anxious we will find ourselves. However, when we throw out the shame by deleting "I should", "I hate", "They are better", "I will never" and things of the like we begin to accept ourselves, even if its on the radical level of just accepting thats where we are at even if we don't like it. All of this push and pull we demand of ourselves is unreasonable and in fact will not get us to where we want to be in a healthy way. 

If we can integrate mindful approaches to the way in which we engage in life evidence from my own life as well as research from people like Zindel Segal, PHD (The creator of Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) have proven that being mindful will yield healthier and more satisfying results. 

Here are some practices to begin incorporating in your daily life as it relates to body-image: 

1. Begin to bath yourself mindfully, appreciating how soap, lotion and or other bath products feels on your skin as its applied. This can shifts your attention away from your appearance towards how your body feels. To be aware of the present moment you must be present in your body.

2. Exercise and feel your heart rate, sweat, or how your arms and legs feel while doing it. Practice yoga for example to gain further awareness of where your body is in space. When exercise is only seen as a weight loss method, it can often lose some of the other positive mental health effects such as stress reduction. 

3. Allow yourself to be proud of what your body can do. When you notice improvements in your physical health/body (no matter how small), take the time to pause and celebrate your progress. Then reward yourself by increasing your self-care perhaps by getting a massage or a facial or even buying a book you've been wanting to read.

Read other posts in my blog as I comment on mindfulness and body image throughout it in various ways as it relates to your mental health. 

What parents should be doing to teach their kids/teens to feel good about their bodies?!?

Limit what you can from your daughter’s/son's exposure to the media and popular culture when they are young. This is valuable because it will allow them to develop their creativity, imagination and their own ideas from experiencing relationships and first hand experiences. Of course as they grow, media messages will start to get in, so having rules and routines from the start can help them control their own experiences as they grow and mature. As we all know there is helpful and healthy messages to take in, but there is also so many unhelpful and unhealthy messages out their, and having them be early and skeptical about some message will help them be informed consumers. 

Help them process the messages in the media. Often times there is such a limited focus in the media, try to help them avoid the narrow focus on appearance and consumerism that often dominates the media. By helping your daughter/son process the messages they see on the screen and develop their own ideas about them, you can prepare them to better resist the media’s pervasive stereotypes, and privileges that are displayed all throughout the media. Sit and have a conversation that is open and honest about your experiencing consuming media, and ask them to do the same. 

Avoid making negative comments about your own body. When adults make comments about their own body, children often feel like they most join in, even if it doesn't make much sense to them. When the conversation about dinner starts off with "I ate too much at lunch, I'm only going to have a salad for dinner, so I can fit into that dress I bought for the cruise", your kid begins to want to imitate that, just as they have learned just about everything else for you. As a teen it does take on a life of its own, and they will either reject that message completely (which can also be unhealthy) or follow that message exactly (which again can also be unhealthy). Its best to take a neutral stance about food, not labeling them as "good" or "bad", as well as teach your children to eat when they are hungry and stop eating when full. 

Avoid commenting on other peoples weight loss or weight gain. A lot of parents congratulate kids on losing weight or even find themselves saying things like “That outfit looks great on you – so slimming!” But all this does is remind kids/teens that they are more loveable and valued when skinny. If a child really does have a weight related health issue, addressing that with a trained health professional will be a lot more effective that reinforcing the inaccurate message that losing weight is a cure-all for everything from illness to social problems that kids/teens already get every day in the rest of their lives.

Teach children to take a holistic approach to their health and happiness. Often times parents can be overly focused on one aspect of their kids/teens life, for example the parents who get really jazzed about their kids sports, or their kids grades or their kids friendships, or their kids body shape. Just like you as a parent that wears the variety of hats of mom, career women, stay at home mom, coach, wife, teacher, nurse, etc. your kid/teen offers all types of those things too. For example, lets say you really want your teen to get into the best college, so you focus in on their grades to the point that you talk about them at least 3-5 times a week, or you ask to talk to their teachers, or you simply primary reward them with praise when they do well in school. This can lead a child to become so focused on pleasing you and the expectations that have been set, and ignore other strengths they have, like being a good friend, or acting in a school play or just being a teen. I say this all, to promote their be balance in a kids life, focus on mental health, academic success, their happiness, their relationships, their physical health and all things in between. If you do this as they grow they will be more resilient as adults and things will take care of themselves, so stop putting so much pressure on yourself and on them. 

Teach Kids That Weight Gain and Changes to Body Shape Are a Needed and Expected Part of Getting Older. For a lot of kids, the changes of puberty are rough. Bodies can morph from something familiar to something foreign seemingly overnight. Often, that means that adolescents develop more visible body fat, and girls, in particular, may develop breasts and see their hips, butts, thighs, and bellies grow. But this is not a problem. It is a just sign that someone is growing up. Kids should be reminded that we need fat on our bodies. It’s crucial for brain development, for menstruation, and to keep us warm – just to name a few basics. 

If you want to learn more on this connect with Stephanie Konter-O'Hara, LPC at the Contact page

Brand New YouTube Channel

I created a YouTube to work on being more honest and unfiltered with my community. Join the community that I'm starting on YouTube. I will share information about therapy, my experiences, and some fun videos to continue the growth of a community that I'd like to build of people who are body positive and invested in mental health, spiritual health and physical health

I want you all to have access to great resources and having a YouTube channel is a great way to get a lot of videos out there quickly directly for this community. Plus I want to target specific issues that the community is struggling with, so I encourage everyone to leave comments of the videos.

How To Create A Healthy Positive Body Image

One of the missions I have in life is to help encourage people create a healthy, positive body image. The first step to this mission, is to practice myself, the second is to educate, and finally help emotional healing to occur.

So, I've done work on myself with therapist and will continue to allow my journey and story to evolve. With this practice of self-love I continuly propel myself to be in means slowing down, eating a balanced diet and practicing yoga. Today I want to address how helpful it can be to your mental health and body image, to create and cultivate a yoga practice.

Yoga And You

Find a teacher and a space to do yoga where diversity and inclusion is celebrated. Stay focused on what makes your body feel good. There are classes where having a certain body, or "nailing" the pose isn't the point of the class, those are the classes I encourage you to find. It may take a few times, but I know they are out there.

One of the first tenants of yoga is ahimsa (nonviolence)—do no harm to yourself or others. The media often is creating unrealistic images of beauty that is harmful to you. Therefore, it’s up to you to set those images aside, love yourself and be kind to yourself. You are beautiful as you are.

In your physical asana practice, focus more on what you can do and less on trying to be perfect at it. Mainstream media will continue to post picture perfect images, but I encourage you to change the esthetic and broaden the idea of what yoga looks like. There are entire organizations calling for yoga to be more about the practice and less about the body. In addition here in Denver there are even instructors that focus on being diverse, such as big booty yoga. I encourage you to post pictures of yourself doing your poses, to help break down what others believe about body image and yoga, as well as to celebrate you just doing you!