Therapist Blog

healing

Mangaing the holidays with an eating disorder

Here is a guide on what to do during the holiday:

First off, have a support system in place: It can be a therapist, a dietitian or a family member (a safe, non-triggering family member). If someone who you consider a part of your support system is with you during the holiday, talk with them in advance and let them know, "I need your help."

Steer clear of negative body talk: Negative body talk at the holidays is as American as apple pie (diet culture has seeped in all aspects of our lives, for example things like saying "the diet starts tomorrow" or "this stuffing is going straight to my thighs"). Honestly, anyone and everyone should avoid this kind of body talk.

If you have a meal plan, follow it:  This doesn't mean you have to skip dessert. It does mean you shouldn't starve yourself all day in advance of the big meal. You can work through the holidays  and still stay on your meal plan and have that structure, and a dietitian can help you figure out what that looks like.

Have coping mechanisms ready: It's important to develop a plan for what to do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Write down your coping skills and keep them handy, like a safety plan. So you don't have to scramble when you're triggered and you can take care of yourself.

Focus on gratitude: The holidays are "supposed to be about gratitude", so try to embrace that.  Focus on enjoying yourself and your loved ones as much as you can. It can help shift the focus away from food.

What loved ones can do

Make sure you understand the disease: The food and the weight obsession — that’s the surface part of it —  but there’s so much else going on. Eating disorders are influenced by "a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors," according to NEDA.

Don't be afraid to ask: People don't always know how to ask for help, so before the holiday meal ask how you can support.

If you see behavior that's concerning, talk to the person. It could be on that day, but it may be at a later time. It's important to find a quiet, private space, and to gauge how the person is feeling, Mysko said. Does the person seem especially anxious? Then wait for another time.

Remember is about feelings. Often times the person is experiencing a lot of shame, so you want to approach the conversation and be very clear that you’re not judging that person, that you care about them.

Quit the "food moralizing":  Things like saying "good foods" (turkey) and "bad foods" (pie) and "I'm being so bad." Sadly, these conversations have become commonplace, and we must make an effort to avoid them.

What is Health at Every Size (HAES)?

There are a lot of buzz around Health at Every Size so I decided to do a post specifically telling you all the facts about what it actually means. The good thing about this concept is that its a mindset, not a plan, not something you have to pay for to learn about, and finally not a diet plan.

So without further ado here is what HAES means:

  • The weight-neutral approach

  • The truth about intentional weight loss

  • The cost of sustaining intentional weight loss

  • Set-point weight theory, the famine response, and breaking down weight science

  • The history of HAES and the non-diet approach

  • Fat activism and the fat acceptance movement

  • How HAES incorporates intuitive eating, joyful movement, and self-care

  • The importance of size diversity in the HAES movement and embracing the genetic determination of body size

  • The caveat of HAES with eating disorder recovery and weight restoration

Removing Shame

Almost all parents and individuals arrive at this blog with the intention of wanting to help themselves or their teens. Perhaps you're thinking what is it going to take to finally be free of this pain and hurt, or perhaps you are in a "fix it" mode. Either way, you'll want to think about how to go about it in a healthy, effective and productive manner. There are tips on how to remove shame from parents and when "parenting yourself" with that inner voice, which I will list in a little bit. First off what is "shame" it is the inner experience of being "not wanted", it is feeling worthless, rejection, and being cast-out. Shame can be so painful, and debilitating that people develop a thousand coping strategies, conscious and unconscious, numbing and destructive, to avoid its tortures and soul crushing ways. Shame is the worst possible thing that can happen, because shame, in its profoundest meaning, conveys that one is not fit to live in one's own community or exist in a family unit without complying to its standards. It often creates unhealthy core beliefs in a person, such as believing they are always the victim or always the abuser, it sets people up to have low self-esteem, often the individual develops a controlling, rigid, and perfectionist personality. 

So to move beyond shame here are some helpful tips:

  • Start by loving yourself. Look inward and see that you need loving-kindness and let go of the guilt over past wrong deeds and realize that you are not bad. Perhaps you've done "bad things" and regret them and vow not to repeat them, but you are not bad.
  • Create affirmations that allow you to be who you are without any contingencies, example "I am smart, capable, and beautiful" or "I can do anything I put my mind to".

  • Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is part of feeling connected. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. When we’re willing to risk being vulnerable and fully human, we open to our humanity. Vulnerability is big medicine. It is the truth that sets you free, lightens your heart, and heals your world.

  • Find some humor in your situation. Shame can’t live in an atmosphere of humor and light. Having a laugh at yourself, the Universe or at your circumstances can help to release any anger and tension associated with your shame. 

  • Own your story, because its all you, and it doesn't need to be in the dark no matter what your story is. By keeping your story in the dark, you are giving it power. Talk to your therapist, journal, talk to a trusted individual and tell your story when you feel safe enough to do so. 

Use these tools and you can help yourself heal from issues around:

  • Addiction
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Eating disorders
  • Perfectionism and other compulsive behaviors
  • Chronic pain
  • Digestive issues
  • Social phobias

Reach out today if you'd like to find out more ways to work towards healing from Shame.