Struggling with ED

Recently I've found it quite helpful for clients to separate the voice of their Eating Disorder from their own voice. To help personify this additional voice its often called ED in the world of Eating Disorder treatment, which I believe originated from the book "Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too" by Jenni Schaefer. 

By separating these two voices, the hope is that you can regain some power in your own voice, and remind yourself that its the ED that is telling you to restrict, binge, purge. over exercise etc.

An eating disorder becomes a relationship, and this relationship although abusive becomes whats closet to you, what comforts you when you feel out of control, and what can uniquely torcher you. This relationship can last for years like a nasty marriage that hides in the shadows of pain, isolation, and secrecy. Its never too early to divorce your relationship with ED, no matter how daunting it seems, hope is around the corner. 

Here are 5 steps you can take to separate yourself from ED:

1. Call it out for what it is, it's a painfully annoying relationship with your body, food, emotions and thoughts. Its an eating disorder

2. Seek out support from family and friends that are strong supporters 

3. Work to notice what thoughts are ED thoughts and what thoughts are your own

4. When facing an ED thought, think of what facts, evidence, proof you have to dispel the ED thought

5. Reach out for help from a professional 

Risk Averse, What Are We Giving Up?

Being risk adverse is often seen as a cowardly way of dealing with life. Perhaps it turns into a list of pros and cons, and then later a list of rules in which to live by. Feeling as though things need to be measured in order to avoid error can become a source of neuroticism. Leaving making a decision especially and unplanned one may cause disruption in life. 

There are three different emotional states that can influence decision making: Your current emotional state (i.e. How do you feel while you are making a decision?) Your past emotional state (i.e. How did you feel anticipating your decision?) Your future emotional state (i.e. How will your decision affect how you feel in the future; What effect will the decision have on your emotional well-being?). This can drive someone to not make a decision at all, or once they make one, continue to remake the same decision so the results are expected. 

Bringing me to my point about how fear can lead to feeling a strong need to be in control, and stay in control in each circumstance that you can. This can often lead to issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, and overall poor mental health. 

Which brings me back to the question "What are we giving up?" when we deeply want control, to avoid risk, to have nothing unplanned?  Off the top, happiness, the willingness to be flexible, cooperative with others, freedom to make a mistake, failing forward, and so many other positive things that can bring more peace.

Yet, those that are risk averse won't allow themselves to experience these things due to the fear of not being in control is so overwhelming. 

Here are some things to practice to be less risk averse/controlling:

1. Practice trusting yourself

2. If you make a mistake, remember you are doing the best you can

3. Remind yourself the world won't fall apart when you let go of control

4. Allow others to help you manage things/help you

5. Try something different the next time a decision needs to be made

Community Outreach with Raise Up Against Addiction 5k

Community Outreach is apart of Stephanie Konter Counseling, LLC goals. So we've teamed up with Shatterproof to raise money for Raise Up Against Addiction, to help push their mission of celebrating recovery and discuss how stigma limits access to treatment. Here are some facts about substance use:

1. Substance Use charges the brain, which can make drug use compulsive

2. Positive communication and behavior skills are more effective than punishment

3. Long-term use also causes changes in other brain chemical systems and circuits as well, affecting functions that include:

• learning
• judgment
• decision-making
• stress
• memory
• behavior

4. Three things contribute to substance abuse: environment, biology and development. Having nothing to do with the persons morals, will-power, or being a bad person.

5. The statistics are alarming: 

• Over 20 million Americans over the age of 12 have an addiction (excluding tobacco).
• 100 people die every day from drug overdoses. This rate has tripled in the past 20 years.
• Over 5 million emergency room visits in 2011 were drug related.
• 2.6 million people with addictions have a dependence on both alcohol and illicit drugs.
• 9.4 million people in 2011 reported driving under the influence of illicit drugs.
• 6.8 million people with an addiction have a mental illness.
• Rates of illicit drug use is highest among those aged 18 to 25.
• Over 90% of those with an addiction began drinking, smoking or using illicit drugs before the age of 18.   (information found at addictioncenter.com)

For these reasons and many more Stephanie Konter Counseling will be promoting therapy, wellness, and contribute to the stigma against addiction on July 21st at Great Lawn Park, 101 North Yosemite St., Denver, CO 80230 at 8am, please come out to join us!

Donate to my fundraising page to Raise Up Against Addiction, our goal is $250, so lets make it happen everyone! 

Communicating To Your Parents/Children

At times communicating to a peer can be difficult because they may not be as passionate about the topic or understand the emotions or even see your point of view. Often times the relationships a peer however are not always permanent as they are with your parents, you typically have one set of biological parents, or a different amount or configuration of parents. The point is, is typically the amount of parents a person has is limited so communicating, relating, understanding, managing your relationship with them can be seen as more valuable. 

As one can imagine this is not always rainbows and butterflies, perhaps the relationship is distant, rejecting, enmeshed, controlling, unfulfilling, or other uncomfortable dynamics. How to identify these relationships as dysfunctional is equally important to healing from  and/or changing them.

The distant relationship- I this arrangement both the child and the parent can remain civil, however their is little to no sharing of ideas or feelings. They maintain a business like arrangement where they agree to spoken or unspoken rules in the relationship and don't interfere or offer emotional support.

Underlying emotions/thoughts- apathy, uncomfortable with own and other peoples emotions

The rejecting relationship- In this arrangement one person in the relationship has made a decision to keep the other person at an arms length even though the other person wants to be close. There may be name calling, ridicule, neglect, or overall abandonment towards one of the individuals. 

Underlying emotions/thoughts- fear, pain, insecurity, I'm not good enough, and unworthy of love

The enmeshed relationship- In this arrangement one or both of the people in the relationship forces closeness, creating a dynamic where at least one person does not feel like they can do anything without the persons involvement. Typically the person forcing the closeness is insecure and lonely and feels that the need the other person for constant emotional support.

Underlying emotions/thoughts- please don't leave me, guilt, shame, insecurity and I cannot do this on my own

The controlling relationship- In this arrangement one of the individuals tries to be complete control of the other person. Making sure that they won't make decisions on their own, creating self-doubt in the non-dominate person. The person in control tends to believe that if they let the other person make a choice that everything will fall a part, and remain highly anxious.

Underlying emotions/thoughts- I know best, anger, anxiety, I'm not able to do this, and uncertainty

These are the 4 primary types of relationships I see in my practice (the underlying feelings and thoughts can be had by either party in the relationship), if you can identity with having these types of relationship with your parent or your son or daughter perhaps its time to schedule an appointment and/or make some changes.