Taking over: Your Summer, Your Life. Guide to Letting Go of Expectations and Enjoying Yourself
While summer can be so bright and happy for many, it may also have other tasks or mindsets associated with it, such as; time to take a vacation, time to reorganize my life so winter will be less stress, time to go outside in less covering clothes, time to have more fun, time when the kids are at home, etc. With all of that may come stress about finances, anxiety/anticipation to figure things out, body shame, time management stress and possibly other feelings about keeping up with the Jones'.
When we have exactions for ourselves and for others we are setting ourselves up to be disappointed at times, and acknowledging that as an inevitable situation is key. The question than comes then to, what is reasonable to anticipate or expect, perhaps its that we are doing the best we can, and so are other people. The pressure to afford a huge summer family vacation or sign our kids up for activities or get our bodies in the best summer shape or reorganize our life during "downtime from school" can have angles or edges that don't feel so great. Perhaps it feels overwhelming, anxious from anticipation, or full of guilt and shame.
Of course Mindfulness is always a go-to, just sit with your emotions and let yourself experience them without holding too much attachment to your thoughts and the situations that present themselves. Practicing this can help you separate yourself from the thoughts, feeling and behaviors, while taking ownership for them. However that can feel perhaps a little too contained or intellectualized for some people. Also, its unrealistic for us to do that all the time, and we may find ourselves judging ourselves from falling away from that practice. Its bound to happen, taking a non-judgmental stance to both yourself, and the world around you can be incredibly beneficial as you radically accept the here and now for exactly what it is. Because we are creatures of habits, and we will become overly emotional and unwound at times, let that happen from time to time. Lets face it, we can't be perfect, and we will find ourselves landing left or right of center.
Let your children make mistakes, let yourself and your partner make mistakes. If you fall short of making that magical vacation happen, or slim down to that certain size, or don't prepare yourself for going back to school in exactly the way you wanted to, or all the other summer goals you've created, thats okay. Enjoying your time, and your space each day is what makes a life worth living.
Day 22-30 of the 30 Day Challenge to Be Kind to Yourself
Here is the final rundown of the last days of the challenge. I got a little caught up with life and I forgot to post on social media 2 of the last 9 days but I have definitely did not let up on my intention to Be Kind to Myself.
Day 22: Relaxing Outside... All it can take is 10 minutes to ground yourself after a busy day, or a hard workout or a bad mood. I decided to get down on the actual ground under a tree and imagine myself rooted to the Earth, feeling as sturdy as the tree I was resting under. It was rather powerful to feel that connected to the Earth.
Day 23: (Didn't post) Window Shopping... I had a lot of restless energy this day so I decided to walk around the mall for a few hours. At first, I started to get all caught up in thoughts about not being able to afford things I wanted and how can anyone afford nice things. After some thought about that I landed on the idea that I am grateful for what I do have, and allowing myself to spiral into thoughts of lack was not going to help me move towards abundance. I ended up buying myself an iced coffee and enjoying strolling around till I tired out.
Day 24: Spending quality time with my dogs... I am such a dog person I could spend my entire day focused on what my dogs and I could do together. So that's pretty much exactly what I did. We went to the pet store, then to the dog park and then sat outside a coffee shop while they enjoyed some bones I brought with me. It was super nice to see them have such a good time.
Day 25: Stretching... Finding space in tight spots is a struggle for a lot of people. I at times find myself sore and wanting to not move if I don't take time to stretch. Focusing on how I feel in my body helps me live a more balanced life rather than disconnecting my head from my body. When I've been disconnected from my body in the past its led to unhelpful and unhealthy behaviors that have not served me, so focusing on this can be a blessing.
Day 26: Quality time with my Husband... At times this feels like such a luxury since we both find ourselves busy with one thing or another. Setting the intention to do something together generally helps me feel more connected and grounded in our relationship. This is true when I spend time with anyone I love, the more quality time in my life I get with them, the more full I feel.
Day 27: Yoga at my office... Spending some time doing spinal twists and some cat-cows helps break up the day of sitting behind my desk or in my counseling chair. Getting on the ground and practicing some yoga poses was exactly what I needed.
Day 28: Bring my dog to work day... Another day where my dogs came into my practice to be kind to myself. Having a dog around reminds me that I can love myself unconditionally just as my dog loves me unconditionally. Its truly a splendid feeling.
Day 29: (Didn't post) Dinner with a friend... This is something that I truly cherish due to the feeling that as I get older, its even more of a struggle to make new friends, so if I can capture the time I do have free with times with friends I can feel more connected to the diverse community we live in.
Day 30: Hike...Well as you can see being outside is one of my favorite things to do, and I finished this one off with a video talking about my email course on Moving Towards Self-Love that has information about the science of our brain and applicable tools to find yourself by loving yourself and why it is so valuable to do.
Email me at hello@stephaniekontercounseling.com if you'd like to sign up for the email course.
Communication, Practice it!
Body Image is Closey Linked to Self-Esteem
Negative body image often brings low self-esteem. They can change the way you understand your value and worth. Healthy body image and self-esteem are a big part of well-being.
Negative body image may cause:
- Substance Abuse
- Teens abuse drugs or substances to control their weight or might turn to drugs or substances as an attractive way to cope with body image issues.
- Depression
- Almost 50% of people with eating disorders meet the clinical criteria for depression.
- Changing adolescent bodies and overwhelming hormones may create depression and body image issues.
- Anxiety
- Body image issues may cause social anxiety and cause individuals to obsess over what others think about their bodies.
- Eating Disorders
- Teen males with body image issues may develop eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia as a coping method.
- Excessive Weight Lifting and Injury
- Insecurities about body image may cause males to weight lift excessively, and incorrectly, risking injury. As well as engage in a variety of exercises that may turn into compulsions.
- Suicidal Thoughts
- Body image issues contribute to a negative sense of self, and hopelessness. Those who thought they were overweight had more suicidal thoughts than those who didn’t.