Struggling with ED

Recently I've found it quite helpful for clients to separate the voice of their Eating Disorder from their own voice. To help personify this additional voice its often called ED in the world of Eating Disorder treatment, which I believe originated from the book "Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too" by Jenni Schaefer. 

By separating these two voices, the hope is that you can regain some power in your own voice, and remind yourself that its the ED that is telling you to restrict, binge, purge. over exercise etc.

An eating disorder becomes a relationship, and this relationship although abusive becomes whats closet to you, what comforts you when you feel out of control, and what can uniquely torcher you. This relationship can last for years like a nasty marriage that hides in the shadows of pain, isolation, and secrecy. Its never too early to divorce your relationship with ED, no matter how daunting it seems, hope is around the corner. 

Here are 5 steps you can take to separate yourself from ED:

1. Call it out for what it is, it's a painfully annoying relationship with your body, food, emotions and thoughts. Its an eating disorder

2. Seek out support from family and friends that are strong supporters 

3. Work to notice what thoughts are ED thoughts and what thoughts are your own

4. When facing an ED thought, think of what facts, evidence, proof you have to dispel the ED thought

5. Reach out for help from a professional 

Relationships: Is yours toxic?

If you're questioning whether you are in a toxic relationship or not, here are some clear indicators that suggest that it is a toxic relationship:

• Feeling as though they are to blame for the other person's actions

• Having to walk around on eggshells to keep the other person happy

• Not feeling comfortable expressing how they feel

• Avoid all conflict with significant other

• Engage in intense conflict often, expressing criticism or negatively about the person

• Feel trapped in the relationship

• Using a third party to communicate important things

• Avoid setting boundaries with the other person

• Experience difficulty respecting their own boundaries

• Feeling jealousy often, over things the other person has, or if their partner is flirting with another person

• Not feeling emotionally supported 

• Persistent unreliability or predictability

After that, I imagine you'd be asking, can this be "fixed"? I tend to believe that most relationships can be mended if both people agree with the basic premise of respecting themselves and the other person. Working on things together cohesively, and having it be more than one person's effort to change things. 

Actionable steps might be:

• Sitting and communicating using "I" statements, for example, "I feel angry when I am left out of decision making" 

• Doing things together that you both enjoy

• Telling the other person what you value about them

• Stay in the present in conversations so to avoid having a laundry list of things your partner has done "wrong"

• Reminding yourself that neither of you are perfect and forgiveness heals not only the relationship but also yourself

You may find that in your relationship you may both communicate that things need to change but it doesn't, or that one person wants it more. At that point increasing your awareness of what you want out of the relationship and life are key. Seeking help sooner rather than later may be of benefit, often when you are in the relationship you are the least objective. 

Confusion and Anxiety, Which Came First?

Some emotions are positively correlated while others are negatively correlated. So on a graph they could look like these graphs below. For example a positive relationship would be the homework you have the more stress, which would be a positive relationship, and the more sleep you have less tired you will be is a negative relationship. 

I share that with you because at times it seems like emotions are these things that we can't measure or hold onto. When in fact, recording and graphing them can help you build awareness and potentially insight into what changes can be made to suite your growth and wellness. 

Today, I want to focus on confusion, and why it can often turn into anxiety. In my experience things come up in life and I often find myself asking how did this happen, and i feel so confused on how I feel and what to do. The more I follow this loop I find myself growing increasing anxious.  There have also been times where anxiety comes first, and I feel worried or concerns about what to do, so I come up with a bunch of different solutions and then I feel confused on what is the best step to take. So, these two states feed off of one another and despairing which came first is about as unclear as the Chicken or the Egg debate. 

Here are some ideas on how to manage these feelings: 

• Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. 

• Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary. 

• Do your best. Instead of expecting yourself to be perfect remember to just do the best you can. 

• Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?

• Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you’re feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a therapist for professional help.

• Evaluate what assumptions you're making. Is this really as serious as I am making it to be. 

• Stay in the Moment. The more mindful you can be, the more in touch with the reality of any situation you'll be. 

6 Reasons Why Everyone Can Benefit from Counseling

Going to therapy can be helpful even in a preventative sense, and here is why:

1. We all live in a society where we are exposed to traumatic occurrences every day and we can experience less stress by talking about it

2. Society isn't necessarily teaching us healthy ways to deal with our emotions, for example: numbing out on our cell phones/tablets, over eating, drinking, sex all with the intention of escaping our emotions

3. Having a solid support system to go to in a crisis can help prevent crisis's in the first place

4. Clients get to practice healthy communication, all which is often lacking from the exchange of "How are you"... "fine", that doesn't cut it, if you really are not "fine"

5. Healthier relationships with ourselves can help us succeed more, and help us open our eyes to what a life with more clarity

6. Therapists can help hold you more accountable to your goals

Going to a therapist for preventative care is like going to the dentist every six months for a teeth cleaning, if you don't go, you won't know you have a cavity that could turn into something more serious.

What is Health at Every Size (HAES)?

There are a lot of buzz around Health at Every Size so I decided to do a post specifically telling you all the facts about what it actually means. The good thing about this concept is that its a mindset, not a plan, not something you have to pay for to learn about, and finally not a diet plan.

So without further ado here is what HAES means:

• The weight-neutral approach

• The truth about intentional weight loss

• The cost of sustaining intentional weight loss

• Set-point weight theory, the famine response, and breaking down weight science

• The history of HAES and the non-diet approach

• Fat activism and the fat acceptance movement

• How HAES incorporates intuitive eating, joyful movement, and self-care

• The importance of size diversity in the HAES movement and embracing the genetic determination of body size

• The caveat of HAES with eating disorder recovery and weight restoration