Returning to Self (A "How To" Guide)

It’s been awhile since there has been a new blog update, so I figured the perfect topic would be how to “return to self” or in other words, after you loosing yourself in the minutia of life how do you still return to what you love, are compassionate about, to yourself. Tons of things can distract us from being who we want to be, peers, family expectations/responsibilities, school/work, other things that we busy ourselves with. We can recognize when we have gotten off track when we notice feeling exhausted often, lonely, sad, discontent with life and where it’s taking us. We may start engaging in dysfunctional behaviors like playing video games to excess, over using substances, eating too much or too little, over working etc.

Here are things that you can do to recenter yourself, and connect with who you are:

• Spending a few minutes near a river, stream, or creek or simply outside to enjoy nature

• Lying on the ground and taking in the fresh air

• Being with a loved one without distractions

• Sitting on the porch while reading, or knitting something, or with a nice drink

• Walking or driving for an hour, any direction without a destination

• Play air (or real) guitar or drums while listening to music

• Greeting sunrise

• Driving out to where the city lights do not interfere with the night sky

• Praying or meditation

• Sitting on a bridge with legs dangling over

• Sitting by a window in a cafe and writing

• Sitting in a circle of trees

• Potting plants, being sure to get hands very muddy

• Beholding beauty, grace, gratitude of things in life

All of these examples and more can help you slow down and refill your energy, with little effort. Making this a routine creates a cycle in which you can return home to myself every morning and every evening. Perhaps doing something on a schedule will bare the most fruits of true connection with self. The great thing is that after you do these practices, you can return to the world with renewed energy to go about your daily life. By taking time for yourself, the quality of your work in the rest of your life can improve.

Work in Progress: Time Spent Living After an Eating Disorder

Coming out about my own mental health history is always something I struggle with as a therapist. Worried about blurring boundaries with my clients, with colleagues, with the public at large. In the same mindset, I’m a human, I have human problems and there is no shame in that. So I’ve been slowly working on something that I don’t know exactly what it will become, but its my story and my sole home of telling my story is that others will relate, grow, feel connected, and find hope. So I’ve taken a small excerpt of what I’ve written and wanted to share it. Even if it helps one person, thats enough.

“When I finally minimized the time I spent thinking about food, and my body size, I had time to think about so many other important, inspirational, creative and fulfilling things that simply didn't have space in my life before recovery. I don’t want to convey that I’m a pro at intuitive eating says, but I do my best and this is a huge part of how I recovered and why I had more free mental space.

Full disclosure: There are some days I notice myself being worried about my weight, or whether I will look good in an outfit, or I compare myself to someone else, I’m not perfect. So this is me being honest with myself. I live in this dialectic space of recovery by reminding myself the whole world is obsessed with these things, so if I think about it, that doesn't mean I am out of recovery. My progress has allowed me to not have food and my body be my primary focus in life, and realize that my worth as a human isn’t attached to my body size. I feel confident that I keep practicing honoring my body, trusting myself and keep morals out of food then I have made progress and I’m in love with that progress. “

Risk Averse, What Are We Giving Up?

Being risk adverse is often seen as a cowardly way of dealing with life. Perhaps it turns into a list of pros and cons, and then later a list of rules in which to live by. Feeling as though things need to be measured in order to avoid error can become a source of neuroticism. Leaving making a decision especially and unplanned one may cause disruption in life. 

There are three different emotional states that can influence decision making: Your current emotional state (i.e. How do you feel while you are making a decision?) Your past emotional state (i.e. How did you feel anticipating your decision?) Your future emotional state (i.e. How will your decision affect how you feel in the future; What effect will the decision have on your emotional well-being?). This can drive someone to not make a decision at all, or once they make one, continue to remake the same decision so the results are expected. 

Bringing me to my point about how fear can lead to feeling a strong need to be in control, and stay in control in each circumstance that you can. This can often lead to issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictions, and overall poor mental health. 

Which brings me back to the question "What are we giving up?" when we deeply want control, to avoid risk, to have nothing unplanned?  Off the top, happiness, the willingness to be flexible, cooperative with others, freedom to make a mistake, failing forward, and so many other positive things that can bring more peace.

Yet, those that are risk averse won't allow themselves to experience these things due to the fear of not being in control is so overwhelming. 

Here are some things to practice to be less risk averse/controlling:

1. Practice trusting yourself

2. If you make a mistake, remember you are doing the best you can

3. Remind yourself the world won't fall apart when you let go of control

4. Allow others to help you manage things/help you

5. Try something different the next time a decision needs to be made

3 Mindfulness Exercises to Use at Home

1. The Walnut Exercise

In this exercise, which is great for beginners, that you can practice at home. Ask yourself these few questions by describing and observing these things:

• The way the walnut looks

• How it feels

• How their skin responds to its manipulation

• Its smell

• Its taste

Focusing on the single object of the walnut is meant to bring the your mind to the present, to what is right in front of you.

2. Shower Exercise

In this exercise, prepare a shower, and rather than jumping in and doing your typical routine stop and think.

- Instead of asking your hair first, wash your face instead or instead of shaving last, shave first

Notice how that feels, what the water and soap feel and smell like, can you taste anything, notice was the water and soap looks like on your body and in the shower. 

3. Five Senses Exercise

All that is needed is to notice something you are experiencing with each of the five senses.

Follow this order of the practice

• Notice five things that you can see.

Look around you and bring your attention to five things that you can see. Pick something that you don’t normally notice, like a shadow or a small crack in the concrete.

• Notice four things that you can feel.

Bring awareness to four things that you are currently feeling, like the texture of your pants, the feeling of the breeze on your skin, or the smooth surface of a table you are resting your hands on.

• Notice three things you can hear.

Take a moment to listen, and note three things that you hear in the background. This can be the chirp of a bird, the hum of the refrigerator, or the faint sounds of traffic from a nearby road.

• Notice two things you can smell.

Bring your awareness to smells that you usually filter out, whether they’re pleasant or unpleasant. Perhaps the breeze is carrying a whiff of pine trees if you’re outside, or the smell of a fast food restaurant across the street.

• Notice one thing you can taste.

Focus on one thing that you can taste right now, in this moment. You can take a sip of a drink, chew a piece of gum, eat something, or just notice the current taste in your mouth or open your mouth to search the air for a taste.

After you've practiced these journal or meditate afterwards and see if you go through out your day with more awareness.