This time a year in my office I see teens and young adults worried about returning to school after summer break. Things that teens may be saying and facing are thoughts such as:
Who will be my new teachers?
What if my new teacher is mean, annoying, too hard on me?
Will any of my friends be in my classes?
Will I fit in, will my social group change or have conflict?
Are my clothes, my backpack, my hair good?
Will I look stupid?
Who will I sit with at lunch?
What if I can’t understand the new schoolwork or homework?
Here are the 5 tips to Help Teens Deal with Anxiety/Dread
1. Avoid giving reassurance...instead, problem-solve and plan! Many times teens don't want to sit and talk for extended periods of time, so making it count can be important. They often time want to hear validation for their thoughts and feelings, perhaps even some action plan steps to problem solve. Focusing on what they are saying rather than what you think may might want to hear is a very valuable note when it comes to communication.
2. Role-play with your teen. This may look different than actually acting things out, it may be just asking them imagining how they want the stressful event to go, having them visualize it in their mind, of all the ways that it might go "wrong" and figuring out solutions and then all the way it could go "right" and all the success they can have.
3. Focus on the positive aspects! School can bring a teen a lot of go and fulfillment if they and you focus on how they will be returning to their sport activities, or theater, or simply seeing their friends more often than over the summer. Shifting a teens perspective to all the great things that come with school can truly help them focus on the positive aspects of going to school.
4. Let up on the pressure. Most teens have their teachers, parents, peers and themselves laying on the expectations and pressure. If you're worried about your teens performance ask them what their own expectations for grades are, or what they think is a realistic amount of time to study. Then, hold them to that, and if things need to readjust have it be a conversation rather than a "this is what I expect of you" sort of message.
5. Encourage them to ask for help. Teens can get it in their head they know everything there is to know, or see asking for help as a weakness or a burden to others. By having them think, feel and behave this way without intervention keeps them closed off and shut down. If they can see others ask for support and help often, you are modeling healthy communication skills, and boundaries. Your teen is still learning, just like everyone is, so forget the whole "I'm an island" mentality if you want to have healthy relationships with others.