Work in Progress: Time Spent Living After an Eating Disorder

Coming out about my own mental health history is always something I struggle with as a therapist. Worried about blurring boundaries with my clients, with colleagues, with the public at large. In the same mindset, I’m a human, I have human problems and there is no shame in that. So I’ve been slowly working on something that I don’t know exactly what it will become, but its my story and my sole home of telling my story is that others will relate, grow, feel connected, and find hope. So I’ve taken a small excerpt of what I’ve written and wanted to share it. Even if it helps one person, thats enough.

“When I finally minimized the time I spent thinking about food, and my body size, I had time to think about so many other important, inspirational, creative and fulfilling things that simply didn't have space in my life before recovery. I don’t want to convey that I’m a pro at intuitive eating says, but I do my best and this is a huge part of how I recovered and why I had more free mental space.

Full disclosure: There are some days I notice myself being worried about my weight, or whether I will look good in an outfit, or I compare myself to someone else, I’m not perfect. So this is me being honest with myself. I live in this dialectic space of recovery by reminding myself the whole world is obsessed with these things, so if I think about it, that doesn't mean I am out of recovery. My progress has allowed me to not have food and my body be my primary focus in life, and realize that my worth as a human isn’t attached to my body size. I feel confident that I keep practicing honoring my body, trusting myself and keep morals out of food then I have made progress and I’m in love with that progress. “

Day 22-30 of the 30 Day Challenge to Be Kind to Yourself

Here is the final rundown of the last days of the challenge. I got a little caught up with life and I forgot to post on social media 2 of the last 9 days but I have definitely did not let up on my intention to Be Kind to Myself.

Day 22: Relaxing Outside... All it can take is 10 minutes to ground yourself after a busy day, or a hard workout or a bad mood. I decided to get down on the actual ground under a tree and imagine myself rooted to the Earth, feeling as sturdy as the tree I was resting under. It was rather powerful to feel that connected to the Earth.

Day 23: (Didn't post) Window Shopping... I had a lot of restless energy this day so I decided to walk around the mall for a few hours. At first, I started to get all caught up in thoughts about not being able to afford things I wanted and how can anyone afford nice things. After some thought about that I landed on the idea that I am grateful for what I do have, and allowing myself to spiral into thoughts of lack was not going to help me move towards abundance.  I ended up buying myself an iced coffee and enjoying strolling around till I tired out. 

Day 24: Spending quality time with my dogs... I am such a dog person I could spend my entire day focused on what my dogs and I could do together. So that's pretty much exactly what I did. We went to the pet store, then to the dog park and then sat outside a coffee shop while they enjoyed some bones I brought with me. It was super nice to see them have such a good time.

Day 25: Stretching... Finding space in tight spots is a struggle for a lot of people. I at times find myself sore and wanting to not move if I don't take time to stretch. Focusing on how I feel in my body helps me live a more balanced life rather than disconnecting my head from my body. When I've been disconnected from my body in the past its led to unhelpful and unhealthy behaviors that have not served me, so focusing on this can be a blessing. 

Day 26: Quality time with my Husband... At times this feels like such a luxury since we both find ourselves busy with one thing or another. Setting the intention to do something together generally helps me feel more connected and grounded in our relationship. This is true when I spend time with anyone I love, the more quality time in my life I get with them, the more full I feel. 

Day 27: Yoga at my office... Spending some time doing spinal twists and some cat-cows helps break up the day of sitting behind my desk or in my counseling chair. Getting on the ground and practicing some yoga poses was exactly what I needed. 

Day 28: Bring my dog to work day... Another day where my dogs came into my practice to be kind to myself. Having a dog around reminds me that I can love myself unconditionally just as my dog loves me unconditionally. Its truly a splendid feeling. 

Day 29: (Didn't post) Dinner with a friend... This is something that I truly cherish due to the feeling that as I get older, its even more of a struggle to make new friends, so if I can capture the time I do have free with times with friends I can feel more connected to the diverse community we live in. 

Day 30: Hike...Well as you can see being outside is one of my favorite things to do, and I finished this one off with a video talking about my email course on Moving Towards Self-Love that has information about the science of our brain and applicable tools to find yourself by loving yourself and why it is so valuable to do. 

Email me at hello@stephaniekontercounseling.com if you'd like to sign up for the email course. 

Days 14-21 of the Be Kind to Yourself Challenge

The last half of the month I was having some days that I struggled to find a new thing to do that was relaxing. Apparently, I'm more a creature of habit then I thought, so it was good that I was able to self-reflect on that and perhaps can continue to push myself to go outside of my bubble when I think if acts of self-care. I hope that if you were able to follow along that you were able to gain some new insights for yourself, and if you missed it, feel free to go on your own journey starting right when you read this. Its never to late to start. 

Day 14: Writing... For me, writing is therapeutic perhaps even more so at times than talking things out. Also, I view it as a vehicle to share information with other people that can be nicely organized and is hopefully easy to digest. 

Day 15: Coloring... This was a simple one to enjoy, perhaps adding music to it would have been impactful, however, I enjoyed the quite and the colors. I think at times we prevent ourselves from enjoying simple things by judging how we do them. I've practiced letting go of that as often as I can and just let myself create.   

Day 16: Face Mask... These are always nice since it practically forces you to at least be mindful of how your skin feels for 15 minutes. I think a great practice of body awareness that we can often miss out on is how our body feels when we touch things or things touch us. For example, how do our feet feel on the ground, and notice that not only when we notice discomfort but also peace. 

Day 17: Singing Bowl...This is a practice of patience due to the attention to where you are moving the mallet, to the speed of the mallet and to the position of the bowl. Anything that takes attention to detail can really help distract you from negative thinking if you do it mindfully.

Day 18: Ran and Joined a Team...Being apart of a movement or a team has always helped me feel like I'm connected to something bigger than myself. That sense of community helps humble me and know I cannot do everything on my own, no matter how much like Wonder Women I like to believe I am. 

Day 19: Essential Oils... Having essential oils diffusing I feel helps set the tone and intention for my day even stronger than stating an affirmation. I consider it an added plus to the emotional work I practice and help guide others along. 

Day 20: Healthy Meal on the Run... Although this was not a planned act of kindness I was able to find the beauty in taking care of myself. We have to do it every day if we want to thrive, even when we are so busy we run out of time to sit and enjoy each meal. 

Day 21: Podcasts... Today was a difficult day, and I needed this time for myself to just veg out to something I enjoy doing listening to inspirational and interesting people speak about their experiences and words of wisdom. This is especially powerful for me when I feel like I've run out of words that are helpful myself.  

Days 22 to 30 will follow tomorrow. 

Loving Yourself Quotes

Reading quotes has always been something that have helped me feel inspired. Here I've collected some of my favorites that I hope will be impactful for you as well.

"Love who you are, embrace who you are. Love yourself. When you love yourself, people can kind of pick up on that: they can see confidence, they can see self-esteem, and naturally, people gravitate towards you." - Lilly Singh

"It sounds like a cliche but I also learnt that you're not going to fall for the right person until you really love yourself and feel good about how you are." - Emma Watson

"It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make yourself a priority. It's necessary." - Mandy Hale

"I'm working on myself. For myself, by myself."

"Forgiveness is an act of self-love"