Work in Progress: Time Spent Living After an Eating Disorder

Coming out about my own mental health history is always something I struggle with as a therapist. Worried about blurring boundaries with my clients, with colleagues, with the public at large. In the same mindset, I’m a human, I have human problems and there is no shame in that. So I’ve been slowly working on something that I don’t know exactly what it will become, but its my story and my sole home of telling my story is that others will relate, grow, feel connected, and find hope. So I’ve taken a small excerpt of what I’ve written and wanted to share it. Even if it helps one person, thats enough.

“When I finally minimized the time I spent thinking about food, and my body size, I had time to think about so many other important, inspirational, creative and fulfilling things that simply didn't have space in my life before recovery. I don’t want to convey that I’m a pro at intuitive eating says, but I do my best and this is a huge part of how I recovered and why I had more free mental space.

Full disclosure: There are some days I notice myself being worried about my weight, or whether I will look good in an outfit, or I compare myself to someone else, I’m not perfect. So this is me being honest with myself. I live in this dialectic space of recovery by reminding myself the whole world is obsessed with these things, so if I think about it, that doesn't mean I am out of recovery. My progress has allowed me to not have food and my body be my primary focus in life, and realize that my worth as a human isn’t attached to my body size. I feel confident that I keep practicing honoring my body, trusting myself and keep morals out of food then I have made progress and I’m in love with that progress. “

Creating Space

Often times in my life I become routined. I wake up at the same time each day, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. I’d dare to say this is a common routine most working adults have. If we get in this seemingly mundane routine and find little to no fulfillment in it, it’s logical to infer this may be a source of discontent, restlessness, or even depression in our lives. 

In titling this Create Space, I want to use that terminology to mean: use your wiggle room, and use it to find time, find fulfillment in your everyday. Sure it’d be nice if we could all stop our days and jet set around the world to find the time for peace and fulfillment. I’d argue you can create space in your everyday to find the time, the energy, the encouragement to find that fulfillment apart of your everyday.

Why wait to learn to do yoga or learn to paint, or even read that book you’ve had sitting on your nightstand? Take a deep breath and breathe into the wiggle room that exists in your life to be a little selfish and take care of that restlessness in you and do what fulfills you everyday, not just on the weekends or on vacations. You deserve it yesterday, today, and tomorrow!