What is the Window of Tolerance and Why is it Important?

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

When a person is within their window of tolerance, it is generally the case that the brain is functioning well and can effectively process stimuli. That person is likely to be able to reflect, think rationally, and make decisions calmly without feeling either overwhelmed or withdrawn. Typically I describe this place of calm as being in "Wise Mind".

During times of extreme stress, people often experience periods of either hyper- or hypo-arousal.

• Hyper-arousal, otherwise known as the fight/flight response, is often characterized by hypervigilance, feelings of anxiety and/or panic, and racing thoughts.

• Hypo-arousal, or a freeze response, may cause feelings of emotional numbness, emptiness, or paralysis.

In either of these states, an individual may become unable to process stimuli effectively. The prefrontal cortex region of the brain shuts down, in a manner of speaking, affecting the ability to think rationally and often leading to the development of feelings of dysregulation, which may take the form of chaotic responses or overly rigid ones. In these periods, a person can be said to be outside the window of tolerance.

Getting back into the Window of Tolerance requires the practice of coping skills. Such as practicing mindfulness, deep breathing, positive affirmations, self-soothing skills, and yoga to name a few options.

Notice how your body responds to things differently as you begin to calm down, and then again when fully calm, and finally see how you can challenge yourself to stay within the Window of Tolerance the next time you face stress and/or uncomfortable feelings.  

Bringing in the New Year without the Stress of Typical Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone,

Within the last week, I've seen a lot of people reflecting what has happened in the pervious year, the highs the lows, where they have been and where they'd like to go. It also seems like there is a trend to move away from the traditional "resolutions" that are associated with the New Year, which in my opinion shows how people are becoming more realistic with themselves. Now I don't have the research proving that less people are making Resolutions, and this is purely anecdotal, however it is a trend I'd support.

Putting pressure on yourself to change your body, your finances, your relationships can be hazardous if you are expecting quick results. This is rather unmindful to expect to plow down these goals without the right resources and support. Plus, only 8% of people accomplish their resolutions.   I believe this is because of the rigid mindset that people take when creating their resolutions, they disallow flexibity and believe that once they are off track even for a day or a week that they start thinking "whats the point, I already failed, I might as well as not try". Or they have even deeper internal beliefs (perhaps unconscious) about themselves that get in the way such as "I'm lazy", "I'm too weak", or "I'm stupid". 

This is not to say that its impossible to make a healthy choice and intention to change your life, my point here is that it takes more than a step by step plan, it takes a healthy mindset and perspective. Lets look at how external and internal pressures might change the entire feelings and thoughts towards a behavior change.

An external pressure may be from another person or system that exists to complete a work assignment by a certain time line, this pressure can often gets muddled with shame, guilt, and fear, if you don't have any internal desire to complete said assignment. Now, what if the drive was internal, for example you arrive early to work not because your boss wants you to, but so you can settle in, drink your coffee without interruptions, turn on the music you like or put essentials in your diffuser and just sit and get in a good mindset for the day. Change like that would be driven by feelings of satisfaction, peace seeking, and being kind to yourself.  

Resolutions can be achieved if its something that comes from an internal place, with a healthy mindset, and making intentional choice not to beat yourself up if you are not always "perfect" with it. Having support to reach your goals is also helpful, and if therapy, coaching, a solid friend, partner, or parent is what you need to accomplish your goal, then ask for that support. 

How to Feel Calm Around a Family that Makes you Anxious

Its no hided secret that family can be and often is stressful to be around. The good news about seeing your family can be the unconditional love that is typically provided, even if it doesn't feel that way. Or perhaps its know that since you have family that has invited you over, you don't have to be alone this holiday.

Of course there are occasions where maybe being alone is preferred or you family has such dysfunction that there is more conditional love presented. If this is the case, these tips can help, but you may need more assistance and I recommend that you seek that out. 

So if you can manage to be around your family, yet still feel the stressed, overwhelmed, and uncomfortable feelings around family, especially around the holidays, here are some things that may help you ride the emotional wave a little more safely and comfortably:

Try not to concern yourself with being "perfect" around family. Unfortunately, perfectionism isn't something you can just undo overnight, but it can be helpful to remind yourself when you're going into a party or dinner that no one is actually testing you. (If they are, then you don't need their approval any ways.)

Create an exit strategy, especially if things get too uncomfortable, its always a good idea to have a reason on hand why you have to excuse yourself, and then a plan to do some self-care and coping skills immediately following your departure. That way you can reward yourself for facing the stress, and a way to feel better about your experience. 

Become comfortable with making mistakes. You will not always say the right thing, or have the best conversation topics or say the smartest thing ever, and you will survive anyways. Recognizing that you're human and so is everyone you are talking to, will hopefully take some pressure off of needing to say the right things.

Talk about things you enjoy, and often. Just because someone starts a conversation about foreign politics, doesn't mean you have to engage in the conversation. Of course its kind to listen and vaildate that you hear what they are saying, but that doesn't mean the conversation that makes you uncomfortable has to be the one you stay in. Segway into talking about something that makes you feel comfortable and at ease.

Remember that most people experience some degree of anxiety. That means there's a chance you're not the most uncomfortable person in the room. Hopefully knowing that you're not alone in your experience will help put your mind at ease.

Of these tools of course can be utilized in other situations, so practice this holiday with your family, and see how you can start to transform your experience with possible uncomfortable social gatherings. 

Mangaing the holidays with an eating disorder

Here is a guide on what to do during the holiday:

First off, have a support system in place: It can be a therapist, a dietitian or a family member (a safe, non-triggering family member). If someone who you consider a part of your support system is with you during the holiday, talk with them in advance and let them know, "I need your help."

Steer clear of negative body talk: Negative body talk at the holidays is as American as apple pie (diet culture has seeped in all aspects of our lives, for example things like saying "the diet starts tomorrow" or "this stuffing is going straight to my thighs"). Honestly, anyone and everyone should avoid this kind of body talk.

If you have a meal plan, follow it:  This doesn't mean you have to skip dessert. It does mean you shouldn't starve yourself all day in advance of the big meal. You can work through the holidays  and still stay on your meal plan and have that structure, and a dietitian can help you figure out what that looks like.

Have coping mechanisms ready: It's important to develop a plan for what to do when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. Write down your coping skills and keep them handy, like a safety plan. So you don't have to scramble when you're triggered and you can take care of yourself.

Focus on gratitude: The holidays are "supposed to be about gratitude", so try to embrace that.  Focus on enjoying yourself and your loved ones as much as you can. It can help shift the focus away from food.

What loved ones can do

Make sure you understand the disease: The food and the weight obsession — that’s the surface part of it —  but there’s so much else going on. Eating disorders are influenced by "a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors," according to NEDA.

Don't be afraid to ask: People don't always know how to ask for help, so before the holiday meal ask how you can support.

If you see behavior that's concerning, talk to the person. It could be on that day, but it may be at a later time. It's important to find a quiet, private space, and to gauge how the person is feeling, Mysko said. Does the person seem especially anxious? Then wait for another time.

Remember is about feelings. Often times the person is experiencing a lot of shame, so you want to approach the conversation and be very clear that you’re not judging that person, that you care about them.

Quit the "food moralizing":  Things like saying "good foods" (turkey) and "bad foods" (pie) and "I'm being so bad." Sadly, these conversations have become commonplace, and we must make an effort to avoid them.