Can't Stop the Feeling

As of now, you've probably heard the song by Justin Timberlake called "Can't Stop the Feeling". I was introduced to this song as I saw a trending video of a father and daughter in matching pink outfits dance to the song that went viral. My initial thoughts for the video was "aww thats cute", "I hope I can have a husband willing to dance with my future child" and "I wish my father would have danced with me, like that". So I went from present, to future, to past, in a matter of seconds. Enjoyment, to wishes, to regrets... well that was fast. Our thoughts and emotions are like that all the time if we are not mindful, or aware of them. Looking back to before I practiced mindfulness each of these thoughts may have been dwelled on, to analyze them, to judge them, to wish them away... Yet when you're mindful, you notice, and accept them as part of you. Look how much energy the latter experience takes. 

I encourage you to Ride the Wave, and look at your emotions and thoughts, as just that, emotions and thoughts....

Attacking Anxiety

With this title you'd think I'd be teaching you to slay a dragon named Anxiety. If you think about it though, anxiety can make you run, freeze or scream like a fire breathing dragon was attacking you. Our fear center response is in our Amygdala, here we also process decision-making, memory and other emotions. Anxiety can be a learned response or a natural response to situation, and the Amygdala is what helps control that. So next time someone flatly states to you "Stop Stressing", and offers no words of advice or shows empathy, flatly tell them that your "Amygdala needs time to process before that can happen!" 

Counseling humor may only be funny to me, so if you did't laugh thats okay, I laughed enough for myself to enjoy.

6 Ways to Ward off the Dragon named Anxiety

1. Do some yoga poses, such as Reclining Bound Angle (helpful for relaxing your mind and the central nervous system)

2. Rhythmic breathing

3. Mindful walking

4. Meditation/prayer

5. Journaling 

6. Creating something for yourself

Commitment, are you ready?

There seems to be a tendency to draw back or hesitate when it comes to being decisive or making a commitment to something. In this delayed time of us not knowing what to do, we are keeping ourselves from what we can do, or dream we can. This may look like not calling a friend back to go out on Saturday night because you're not sure you'll have fun, or reluctantly changing a food preference or something much more substantial like deciding on what degree program to apply to, or choosing who to be romantically involved with. We are faced with choices everyday, things we are asked to commit to doing, or being a part of. These beginning, are much like any ending in that they can be difficult and/or exciting. 

Often time we build up this idea of what we are "suppose" to want, or what he "have" to do. The truth is, we listen to a ton of different opinions besides our own when we first attempt to make a decision when we are full of anxiety. We've all been there, and we most likely will fall into the trap again. It's about how you deal with the trap, and allow yourself to make a commitment. 

Well now you may be asking, "what if I make the wrong commitment?!?!?" 

There are many belief systems out there that support the idea of "what is meant to be will be", or a message that conveys that when we make a decision that is align with out values, and heart that the universe will support us. In other words making a decision or commitment, is not just a logic/brain game....

You have to use your heart and confidence in what you believe to help you make those commitments, to take those risks....

Because truly you do need to utilize both the logical and rational sides of your mind.

Atychiphobia

The fear of failure.

Or as I have deemed it, persistent fear of messing it all up. 

Fear, is as much, if not precisely the same as anxiety. The fear of failure however is quiet specific in its hold on a person. It will strike only when success is the primary goal. However success can mean just about anything; successful relationship, successful career, success in raising children, success in finances, success at being popular. So this fear leads you to have no choice, except to be PERFECT.
Perfectionism, the constant sneaking feeling that what you’ve done is just never quiet enough. Spinning your wheels to run faster, work longer, climb higher, be something more than what you are, “I mean come on, clearly what and who you are clearly isn’t anything decent” said the voice of shame.
We say things to ourselves that we’d never say out loud to another person because, well we’d just be a bully. We bully ourselves into many things, we shame, and guilt ourselves into doing things that are for…. Who? Ourselves, our partners, our parents, our peers… 

For example right now, I am attempting to write a personal statement. I’ve probably have edited it about 20 times, have had my brother edit it 5, and well I still think its not ready to be submitted. The pressure and stakes are too high to not be diligent, I tell myself. Because this statement will be read over in 5 minutes by the admissions board, and thats all the time I have to impress them initially. Then again, its only worth 5 minutes of their time.
What is a girl to do?

The only solace I can conjure at this moment is, I can just keep trying and to shut down my inner bully with statements like “I’m doing the best I can” (even if I have to mumble it to myself thousands of times).

I'm Fine

This is the answer people expect from you when they as “How are you?”. I personally can hardly tolerate this distressing transaction. 

Can we as members of society be authentic when we have such exchanges. I highly doubt it. 

On the other hand for the person saying “I’m fine” let’s us hold up our masks that we use to hide from the world. 

When we share this interaction we may be submitting to compliancy, and mediocrity in our relationships or subduing our True Self. If we were honest to the question of “How are you?”, the authentic answers would be more along the lines of: 

I’m stresses

I’m depressed

I’m wanting to forget

I’m tired

I’m angry 

I’m scared

I’m heartbroken

I’m confused

I’m lonely, etc. 

Because we have stigmatized emotions in society sharing anything less than happy is you not following this unspoken social code of engagement. If we continue to engage in conversations in which we deny ourselves true connection we will continue to be “fine” while unconnected. We are agreeing to a less passionate life whole participating in this social code. 

It’s up to us, choose to engage, to feel to be connected, or choose to sit by, to numb, to be disconnected