Judgemental frenemies

Frenemy: a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.

We have all had them (at least it seems), someone we keep in our life because we want to fix them, or are to scared to say "no" to them, or we simply want to earn their approval. These thoughts and feelings can not only impact our relationship with them, it can effect our relationship with others and ourselves. Why may that be?

We want to change who we are to fit in with them?

We want to change who they are because they need "fixing"?

We want them to be happy?

We think they "need us"?

We are afraid of what they will say to others if we don't do everything they say?

We want to hold onto every relationship we have because we don't want to be alone?

etc...

See if these statements or one akin to these sounds like it fits how you feel about someone in your life. Do you feel comfortable, safe, and like yourself in these relationships? How much energy is consumed by participating in this relationship? Is this relationship benefiting you and them or either or?

To change this problem, look for friends who value you, value what you like, or what you do. People who share similar morals, ethics and values. Look for someone that you can bring any topic or conversation up with. Honor yourself and take the step to move away from Frenemies. You deserve more than that!

Atychiphobia

The fear of failure.

Or as I have deemed it, persistent fear of messing it all up. 

Fear, is as much, if not precisely the same as anxiety. The fear of failure however is quiet specific in its hold on a person. It will strike only when success is the primary goal. However success can mean just about anything; successful relationship, successful career, success in raising children, success in finances, success at being popular. So this fear leads you to have no choice, except to be PERFECT.
Perfectionism, the constant sneaking feeling that what you’ve done is just never quiet enough. Spinning your wheels to run faster, work longer, climb higher, be something more than what you are, “I mean come on, clearly what and who you are clearly isn’t anything decent” said the voice of shame.
We say things to ourselves that we’d never say out loud to another person because, well we’d just be a bully. We bully ourselves into many things, we shame, and guilt ourselves into doing things that are for…. Who? Ourselves, our partners, our parents, our peers… 

For example right now, I am attempting to write a personal statement. I’ve probably have edited it about 20 times, have had my brother edit it 5, and well I still think its not ready to be submitted. The pressure and stakes are too high to not be diligent, I tell myself. Because this statement will be read over in 5 minutes by the admissions board, and thats all the time I have to impress them initially. Then again, its only worth 5 minutes of their time.
What is a girl to do?

The only solace I can conjure at this moment is, I can just keep trying and to shut down my inner bully with statements like “I’m doing the best I can” (even if I have to mumble it to myself thousands of times).