Commitment, are you ready?

There seems to be a tendency to draw back or hesitate when it comes to being decisive or making a commitment to something. In this delayed time of us not knowing what to do, we are keeping ourselves from what we can do, or dream we can. This may look like not calling a friend back to go out on Saturday night because you're not sure you'll have fun, or reluctantly changing a food preference or something much more substantial like deciding on what degree program to apply to, or choosing who to be romantically involved with. We are faced with choices everyday, things we are asked to commit to doing, or being a part of. These beginning, are much like any ending in that they can be difficult and/or exciting. 

Often time we build up this idea of what we are "suppose" to want, or what he "have" to do. The truth is, we listen to a ton of different opinions besides our own when we first attempt to make a decision when we are full of anxiety. We've all been there, and we most likely will fall into the trap again. It's about how you deal with the trap, and allow yourself to make a commitment. 

Well now you may be asking, "what if I make the wrong commitment?!?!?" 

There are many belief systems out there that support the idea of "what is meant to be will be", or a message that conveys that when we make a decision that is align with out values, and heart that the universe will support us. In other words making a decision or commitment, is not just a logic/brain game....

You have to use your heart and confidence in what you believe to help you make those commitments, to take those risks....

Because truly you do need to utilize both the logical and rational sides of your mind.

Expectations

We all have our own expectations, it’s not something we really can deny. They can be necessary, unhealthy, anxiety producing, manageable, motivating, harmful, morale building, etc. Even the definition of expectations implies that it’s each of those adjectives I listed; a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

I want to touch on how the expectations we hold effect our perception of reality. When I feel like something is “wanted” out of me, my natural tendency is not wanting to actually do it, and I’d think many can relate. I’ve run into very few people who want to feel caged in, controlled, on a leash or limited. In relation to expectations, I feel as though that implies that you are destined to do, to be, to feel, or to think in a particular manner. 

Can I commit to fulfill expectations? I certainly don’t think I want to, in this moment. In fact the idea of such commitment is daunting. Which is why the skill of One-mindfully, is crucial to managing the anxiety. Nothing is being asked of me right now, in this moment, all of theses thoughts and feelings of entrapment are fictional. Letting go of what will happen, could happen, or might happen, is a challenge in itself, and it can be done. 

I’m a natural runner/avoider of feelings, and that’s the urge I manage with the help of DBT skills. I can sit here and try to figure out a generalized answer for each situation or each feeling, or I can do it one-mindfully, remembering that I just have to figure out how I feel and what I think in this moment, and let go of how I’ll feel a month from now, a year from now, etc. 

To quote Ernest Hemingway “Happiness in intelligent people, is the rarest thing I know”.

With that we think we have to figure out how to be happy or we have to fulfill the expectations of others or ourselfs to be happy, when in fact it seems as though living right now, for this moment is the rarest thing I do, or have seen others do.