Unanticipated Results

Our mental health can be seen even when we are not looking to see it. This particular individual was looking to follow her passion, and did so... then found out that it led to other complications she didn't anticipate... 

My mental health has be complicated to say the least since starting engaging in social work. After college, I dove head-first into the child welfare and adoptions field. I was excited to start working directly with children and families and optimistic about making a difference in their lives. I quickly found out that the job was much more demanding than I had anticipated. As a representative of Department of Children and Families, I was the "enemy". People avoided me and were not open or honest. I worked twelve hour days and was often on-call. I dreaded getting up in the morning, but found I was so anxious I could not sleep at night. Every day was unpredictable. I started having panic attacks. Eventually, I realized I needed to prioritize myself over my job and left my position. I enrolled in an MSW program and found a job that balanced my career and my health. 

Expectations

We all have our own expectations, it’s not something we really can deny. They can be necessary, unhealthy, anxiety producing, manageable, motivating, harmful, morale building, etc. Even the definition of expectations implies that it’s each of those adjectives I listed; a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

I want to touch on how the expectations we hold effect our perception of reality. When I feel like something is “wanted” out of me, my natural tendency is not wanting to actually do it, and I’d think many can relate. I’ve run into very few people who want to feel caged in, controlled, on a leash or limited. In relation to expectations, I feel as though that implies that you are destined to do, to be, to feel, or to think in a particular manner. 

Can I commit to fulfill expectations? I certainly don’t think I want to, in this moment. In fact the idea of such commitment is daunting. Which is why the skill of One-mindfully, is crucial to managing the anxiety. Nothing is being asked of me right now, in this moment, all of theses thoughts and feelings of entrapment are fictional. Letting go of what will happen, could happen, or might happen, is a challenge in itself, and it can be done. 

I’m a natural runner/avoider of feelings, and that’s the urge I manage with the help of DBT skills. I can sit here and try to figure out a generalized answer for each situation or each feeling, or I can do it one-mindfully, remembering that I just have to figure out how I feel and what I think in this moment, and let go of how I’ll feel a month from now, a year from now, etc. 

To quote Ernest Hemingway “Happiness in intelligent people, is the rarest thing I know”.

With that we think we have to figure out how to be happy or we have to fulfill the expectations of others or ourselfs to be happy, when in fact it seems as though living right now, for this moment is the rarest thing I do, or have seen others do. 

Passion or Goal?

I am not sure if I have ever truly followed a passion. However, I did once passionately attempt to achieve a goal. This goal was to become a physician. This is the closest anything has come to being a passion for me. Although I did not achieve this goal, it has still had great impact on my emotional and mental health. When I first began following this passion, the metaphorical finish line seemed so far away that, in a way, it did not even seem real. This end-goal was something I had always told myself and everyone else that I would achieve, and yet, I could not actually see myself achieving it. I do not mean by this that I did not want to achieve it. On the contrary, I worked very hard for it. However, I made many mistakes in doing so. I did not manage my time well, and I spent many sleepless nights trying to keep the goal within reach. Some would argue that, if achieving this goal was not foremost among my priorities at all times, than it was never truly my passion. I have never enjoyed hearing this. I must admit, however, that in the process of pursuing this passion, I was more or less "going through the motions." I felt as if I was being carried along by a current, but not sure where the river would actually lead. The pursuit of this passion left room for no other passions. As a result of ultimately not fulfilling this passion, I feel as if I have shrunken away from the world that I once knew, abandoning many relationships I once held dear due to sheer embarrassment. This has led to a good deal of depression, and feelings of loneliness. I lived in an exile of my own creation. I mounted so much mental stress upon myself in the pursuit of this passion, that I now feel a sort of numbness. Sometimes stress can be a healthy thing. It can remind us of the gravity of a situation and spur us into action. However, like a lab animal that has been overexposed to a stimulus, I felt desensitized. What I have learned from this is that the pursuit of a passion can be stressful. However, the aftermath of failing in the pursuit of a passion can be even more stressful. Therefore, I believe it is essential to remain mindful of why one chooses to pursue a passion, and why that passion is worth the stress and efforts that it may entail.

Aspiring to be Great

As I sit here, I am wondering to myself, how does one become a “great X” or a “great Y”? First things that comes to my mind is practice, then patience, then taking risks, then making mistakes, and then more practice.
I want to be GREAT, to make an impact because I want my existence, my soul, my brain to mean more than just “She was a nice and cool person”. I want to be known for being something that others will aspire to be. I want to change something in the world, that helps life continue to evolve into a more beautiful and elegant existence. With more acceptance and peace… 

If we look at people like the musical artist Macklemore, he’s even famous and he made a song about loving who you want to freely, and song was popular for all of 4-5 months. Is that really a lasting impact? But then their are people like the current president of the United States, he’ll be remembered for more than just this life time I’d imagine. 

There is no math equation to solve this “how to be great?” dilemma, to be at a place of rest in this struggle for wanting to be the greatest I try to walk the middle path, and remember that I have to do what I can each day to make the impact I want to on the world. I’d love to hear feedback on this one, if you have any thoughts or suggestions please post them.

Mindfulness In Denver

Mindfulness has become a buzz word in the business of being "happy" or at "peace". Even the Denver Post, wrote about Mindfulness and how different organizations such as Be Mindful has been focused on reaching out to homeless youth recently right here in Denver. 

Well I do believe they are on to something since being in the here and now can ease anxiety (at times feeling of fear of what is to come) and depression (possible regret of events in the past). It sounds simple enough, just practice being in the here and now, and stretch your brain to focus and bring about emotional regulation.... 

I only wish it was that simple. 

I have found that through practicing mindfulness starting at 3 minutes a day is the best way to start. Its like learning to run a 5K, typically you don't wake up one day and run 3.2 miles for the first time ever without practicing. First you have to warm up, then stretch out your muscles, eat properly. stay well hydrated... and so on. 

Practice and prepare yourself to be mindful. You can do this by practicing yoga, focusing on your breathing pattern, taking a warm bath, walking your dog... Just take three minutes to stop your mind, or looking at your to-do list. Slow your mind down, and intensionally notice what you are feeling, seeing, or experiencing in the moment...

Just 3 minutes thats all it takes to start.