We all have our own expectations, it’s not something we really can deny. They can be necessary, unhealthy, anxiety producing, manageable, motivating, harmful, morale building, etc. Even the definition of expectations implies that it’s each of those adjectives I listed; a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
I want to touch on how the expectations we hold effect our perception of reality. When I feel like something is “wanted” out of me, my natural tendency is not wanting to actually do it, and I’d think many can relate. I’ve run into very few people who want to feel caged in, controlled, on a leash or limited. In relation to expectations, I feel as though that implies that you are destined to do, to be, to feel, or to think in a particular manner.
Can I commit to fulfill expectations? I certainly don’t think I want to, in this moment. In fact the idea of such commitment is daunting. Which is why the skill of One-mindfully, is crucial to managing the anxiety. Nothing is being asked of me right now, in this moment, all of theses thoughts and feelings of entrapment are fictional. Letting go of what will happen, could happen, or might happen, is a challenge in itself, and it can be done.
I’m a natural runner/avoider of feelings, and that’s the urge I manage with the help of DBT skills. I can sit here and try to figure out a generalized answer for each situation or each feeling, or I can do it one-mindfully, remembering that I just have to figure out how I feel and what I think in this moment, and let go of how I’ll feel a month from now, a year from now, etc.
To quote Ernest Hemingway “Happiness in intelligent people, is the rarest thing I know”.
With that we think we have to figure out how to be happy or we have to fulfill the expectations of others or ourselfs to be happy, when in fact it seems as though living right now, for this moment is the rarest thing I do, or have seen others do.