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Finding moments to be mindful can be a challenge with all we have to do in life....
However its worth the effort to find yourself in the moment acknowledging who your with, where you are, and how you feel.
Your anxiety lives in the future and your depression lives in past. A healthy minded you is in the here and now!
This is the why being mindful is so powerful. You can simply start by being mindful when you walk your dog, by not looking at your phone, or thinking of your to-do list. Focusing on what you see, smell, hear, taste and feel as you do so.
Place value in yourself.
Become aware of your emotions and what they mean.
Be specific when you set a boundary.
Be firm, but kind.
Be ready, willing, and able to back up your words with actions.
In order to help you form this type of connect, self esteem and self worth is the best first step.
Reasons why you'd want a relationship with healthy boundaries? Well it would look very similar to this list, most of the time:
You'd most likely feel calm, centered and focused. As well as safe, supportive, respectful, nonpunitive and peaceful.
You may feel taken care of, wanted, unconditionally accepted and loved just for existing and being alive.
You feel part of something and not alone in your connection with other individuals.
You experience forgiving and being forgiven with little revenge or reminding of past offenses.
A relationship has a sense of directedness with plan and order.
You experience being free to be who you are rather than who you think you need to be for the other.
Encourages your personal growth and supports individuality
To start this quiz from WellMinded Counseling first close your eyes and picture who are the 3 closest people to you. Then develop a word that describes how you feel about the relationship.
Then, read each statement below and check the ones that fit for these 3 close relationships that you identified. Be sure to answer with your initial gut response.
Finally tally the number of checks you made under each category to determine where you currently are with personal boundaries.
____ I put the needs and wants of others before my own.
____ I find myself unable to say “no” to things.
____ In order to avoid conflict I agree with others.
____ I’m afraid to say “no” out of fear or guilt.
____ I allow others to speak for me.
____ In the relationship I find myself doing more than my share of participating.
____ I try to “fix” other people and their problems.
____ I attempt to control other people.
____ In relationships I find myself accepting poor treatment from others.
____ I don’t trust myself or others.
____ Total Number Checked
____ I can comfortably express my true feelings regardless if they are seen as negative or positive.
____ In my relationships I’m able to set personal boundaries that protect my body, my energy, my time, and my other resources, without feeling guilty, fearful, or stressed.
____ I’m comfortable with other people expressing their emotions.
____ I’m able to respect others for who they are and do not attempt to change or “fix” them.
____ If the other person is hurting me I’m willing to end a relationship rather than let it continue.
____ I understand that conflict is a natural part of intimate relationships and even though it may not be enjoyable.
____ I respect other people’s feelings, needs, and preferences, and don't take them on as my own.
____ When I state my opinion I’m not afraid to disappoint or anger others.
____ I’m able to make my own decisions and look out for my interests while taking others’ perspectives into account.
____ I take responsibility for my own feelings while others can take responsibility for their own feelings.
____ Total Number Checked
____ I have a tough time acknowledging and expressing my feelings and rarely consider the feelings of others.
____ I often use anger and/or intimidation to get my way.
____ When people don’t view things the same way that I do I feel frustrated.
____ I keep people at an emotional distance.
____ I am uncomfortable with physical contact unless I initiate it, and even then it needs to be on my terms.
____ When others don’t do things according to my plan I criticize them.
____ I refuse to “play” if things aren’t done according to my rules, plans, or desires.
____ I become very upset if anyone borrows something of mine, even if they ask first.
____ In return for my help or generosity I always expect something.
____ I infrequently invite people into my “space” (home, office, physical).
____ Total Number Checked
Whichever category you checked the most items in determines the type of boundaries you have. Do your best to be accepting of where you are at, and recognize that's okay, you are doing the best you can. Plus you can always try harder and make changes. With that, ask yourself, do you want to make some adjustments to your personal boundaries to make them more balanced and healthy? If so, follow the blog from one of our relationship therapists and you'll find ways to help empower you to find ways to do and think about things differently.
Ready to improve the types of boundaries that you have and transform your relationships? Want some support and guidance from a dedicated and understanding therapist? If your answer is yes then it might be time to consider trying interpersonal therapy. During boundaries counseling, you will be given the space to empower yourself and establish balanced boundaries.
At WellMinded Counseling we offer Counseling tailored to your needs in Broomfield, Denver, and online throughout Colorado. Take control of your personal boundaries and embark on a journey of growth by following these steps:
Reach out to either our Colorado offices or our Tampa, FL office for a free consultation.
Schedule your first therapy appointment after taking this boundaries questionnaire.
Start your journey to healthier connections.
A "quarter-life crisis" is real, and incredibly common.
When you're 20-something its common to feel like "you need to have it all together". It becomes a conflict between "wanting it all" and still being able to have peace of mind. These feelings can create issues with self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. The comparison game that we play with ourselves can be so complex we don't always recognize we are doing it.
But, when you start to gain the skills and confidence needed to create a future you can begin to feel excited about. In other words you'll start feeling less stuck, and feel more heard, and challenged with growth.
Because most of time its our own beliefs that limit us, we put our own road blocks between ourselves and others. In going to counseling, and creating awareness of these blocks, we can help encourage and empower ourselves to change. To ultimately create a life worth living.
