No "I" in Team

The adage in the title almost speaks for itself. We as individuals try out darnedest to be important, whether it’s being successful in career or being the pillar of your family or carrying out a message your passionate about to others. We take pride in being valued, loved, known by others. This is vastly different from the recent past, where the emphasis on working together didn’t even have to be made since it was assumed. 

We currently live in a society that prides itself in individual freedom. Which I’d argue is a valued principle in my life as well as many. Marching to the beat of our own drum, speaking our own truths, attempting to personally erase any shame we feel by non-acceptance from others. 

The dialectic in this is that; we as humans are naturally social creates. We are designed to live in communities, to thrive. We even live in a society where we work together on a larger industrial scale where we each have our own trade and function. And we in essense have found a sense of pride in “going it on our own”. To not rely on others, to be a strong individual. 
Within this quest for individuality we have created an emotional and personal distance among us. We begin to develop this thought that  our life is really only about us, and that out of everyone else we matter most. A dialectic that I’d like to highlight here is that we do matter, we matter a whole heck of a lot and so do other people. So the balance between working on getting our needs met and working on the collective has become a profound dilemma in many individual lives. 

So really how do you strike that balance?  I think we can work as a team while respecting our own desires. In modern American society it may seem to be a continous tug a war, which may create some angst, dissatisfaction, depression, delusion etc. I don’t think there is a precise answer for how to figure this out or map a plan for success to help rectify this dilemma. A process in seeking the balance and be mindful of this idea is what I feel is the most we can do. 

Enjoy Life

By doing activities and being around people you like and even love! For example this weekend I spent time painting, and just appreciated the process. 

Too often we all spend time doing things we believe we "have to" and tolerate people that are not pleasant because its "the nice thing to do". I've been guilty of this, feeling like it made me a better person to try to fix, and have patience with people. Honestly that is only protecting my pride and hurting myself, and possibly the other individuals in the end.

Really what has to happen is you have to stop making yourself be at the mercy of others, and learn to be comfortable with not meeting everyone else's expectations. It takes time to get to the head space of this attitude being comfortable, especially if this attitude is a habituated pattern. While making change, remember to take it moment to moment.

Creating Space

Often times in my life I become routined. I wake up at the same time each day, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. I’d dare to say this is a common routine most working adults have. If we get in this seemingly mundane routine and find little to no fulfillment in it, it’s logical to infer this may be a source of discontent, restlessness, or even depression in our lives. 

In titling this Create Space, I want to use that terminology to mean: use your wiggle room, and use it to find time, find fulfillment in your everyday. Sure it’d be nice if we could all stop our days and jet set around the world to find the time for peace and fulfillment. I’d argue you can create space in your everyday to find the time, the energy, the encouragement to find that fulfillment apart of your everyday.

Why wait to learn to do yoga or learn to paint, or even read that book you’ve had sitting on your nightstand? Take a deep breath and breathe into the wiggle room that exists in your life to be a little selfish and take care of that restlessness in you and do what fulfills you everyday, not just on the weekends or on vacations. You deserve it yesterday, today, and tomorrow! 

 

Asking for Help

A variety of therapeutic theories promote that asking for help is a sign of strength, emotionally vulnerability and humility. When you ask people, even your therapist might pose a question that is directed for you to answer for yourself, with straight forward advice or simply the “follow your gut” response. 

As an individual you can grow by asking others, think of it as an information gathering process, doing the research, reviewing the evidence. 

However what do you do when you ask for help, and you don’t receive a response? What if the response you do receive is primarily motivated by the desires of the person responding?

In either of these situations I try to look within myself in why these situations may be the result of my inquisition. Do I want someone to solve the problem for me? Or take the responsibility of the situation out of my hands and place it in another’s, so if something undesirable happens I can blame them? 

I’d encourage everyone to remember that something’s are not meant to be resolved, and just are, which is a part of acceptance, even if it’s something that we don’t like. 

Mediate and pray about what’s the most effective way to handle the conundrums you find yourself in.

I’d love to hear back from you, leave your thoughts below.