The Power of Intention

Do you know what your intentions are when you set out for your day each morning? Do you know how your day is going to go before you step out your front door?
For the first question, I’d challenge you to sit and think about what you want, what you value, and how you feel about where your intentions lay.
The second question was asked to help us recognize that many of us think or assume we know, but in reality we don’t. So what do you know about your day? What you do know, are your intentions, your perceptions of the past, and how you feel in this moment. Going forward in your day with the assumption its going to be a “hard” or “long” day, becomes your current reality, because you begin to believe it and your perceptions becomes your reality. Weaving DBT into your day helps us realize doing whats effective or doing whats one-mindfully will assist in becoming conscious of where you are, what you are, and why you are. Do so with intention, in and of themselves, our words are but symbols that represent our intentions, so create an inner dialogue that is align with how you want your life to be.

Practice this mindfulness technique:
Become an impartial observer of your own thoughts and words spoken to others, and be keenly aware of what the intention is behind the words you say. If you find yourself saying one thing while thinking or feeling another thing, stop and restate it in an affirming, positive or motivating way.

Unanticipated Results

Our mental health can be seen even when we are not looking to see it. This particular individual was looking to follow her passion, and did so... then found out that it led to other complications she didn't anticipate... 

My mental health has be complicated to say the least since starting engaging in social work. After college, I dove head-first into the child welfare and adoptions field. I was excited to start working directly with children and families and optimistic about making a difference in their lives. I quickly found out that the job was much more demanding than I had anticipated. As a representative of Department of Children and Families, I was the "enemy". People avoided me and were not open or honest. I worked twelve hour days and was often on-call. I dreaded getting up in the morning, but found I was so anxious I could not sleep at night. Every day was unpredictable. I started having panic attacks. Eventually, I realized I needed to prioritize myself over my job and left my position. I enrolled in an MSW program and found a job that balanced my career and my health. 

Expectations

We all have our own expectations, it’s not something we really can deny. They can be necessary, unhealthy, anxiety producing, manageable, motivating, harmful, morale building, etc. Even the definition of expectations implies that it’s each of those adjectives I listed; a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

I want to touch on how the expectations we hold effect our perception of reality. When I feel like something is “wanted” out of me, my natural tendency is not wanting to actually do it, and I’d think many can relate. I’ve run into very few people who want to feel caged in, controlled, on a leash or limited. In relation to expectations, I feel as though that implies that you are destined to do, to be, to feel, or to think in a particular manner. 

Can I commit to fulfill expectations? I certainly don’t think I want to, in this moment. In fact the idea of such commitment is daunting. Which is why the skill of One-mindfully, is crucial to managing the anxiety. Nothing is being asked of me right now, in this moment, all of theses thoughts and feelings of entrapment are fictional. Letting go of what will happen, could happen, or might happen, is a challenge in itself, and it can be done. 

I’m a natural runner/avoider of feelings, and that’s the urge I manage with the help of DBT skills. I can sit here and try to figure out a generalized answer for each situation or each feeling, or I can do it one-mindfully, remembering that I just have to figure out how I feel and what I think in this moment, and let go of how I’ll feel a month from now, a year from now, etc. 

To quote Ernest Hemingway “Happiness in intelligent people, is the rarest thing I know”.

With that we think we have to figure out how to be happy or we have to fulfill the expectations of others or ourselfs to be happy, when in fact it seems as though living right now, for this moment is the rarest thing I do, or have seen others do. 

Passion or Goal?

I am not sure if I have ever truly followed a passion. However, I did once passionately attempt to achieve a goal. This goal was to become a physician. This is the closest anything has come to being a passion for me. Although I did not achieve this goal, it has still had great impact on my emotional and mental health. When I first began following this passion, the metaphorical finish line seemed so far away that, in a way, it did not even seem real. This end-goal was something I had always told myself and everyone else that I would achieve, and yet, I could not actually see myself achieving it. I do not mean by this that I did not want to achieve it. On the contrary, I worked very hard for it. However, I made many mistakes in doing so. I did not manage my time well, and I spent many sleepless nights trying to keep the goal within reach. Some would argue that, if achieving this goal was not foremost among my priorities at all times, than it was never truly my passion. I have never enjoyed hearing this. I must admit, however, that in the process of pursuing this passion, I was more or less "going through the motions." I felt as if I was being carried along by a current, but not sure where the river would actually lead. The pursuit of this passion left room for no other passions. As a result of ultimately not fulfilling this passion, I feel as if I have shrunken away from the world that I once knew, abandoning many relationships I once held dear due to sheer embarrassment. This has led to a good deal of depression, and feelings of loneliness. I lived in an exile of my own creation. I mounted so much mental stress upon myself in the pursuit of this passion, that I now feel a sort of numbness. Sometimes stress can be a healthy thing. It can remind us of the gravity of a situation and spur us into action. However, like a lab animal that has been overexposed to a stimulus, I felt desensitized. What I have learned from this is that the pursuit of a passion can be stressful. However, the aftermath of failing in the pursuit of a passion can be even more stressful. Therefore, I believe it is essential to remain mindful of why one chooses to pursue a passion, and why that passion is worth the stress and efforts that it may entail.