Returning to Self (A "How To" Guide)

It’s been awhile since there has been a new blog update, so I figured the perfect topic would be how to “return to self” or in other words, after you loosing yourself in the minutia of life how do you still return to what you love, are compassionate about, to yourself. Tons of things can distract us from being who we want to be, peers, family expectations/responsibilities, school/work, other things that we busy ourselves with. We can recognize when we have gotten off track when we notice feeling exhausted often, lonely, sad, discontent with life and where it’s taking us. We may start engaging in dysfunctional behaviors like playing video games to excess, over using substances, eating too much or too little, over working etc.

Here are things that you can do to recenter yourself, and connect with who you are:

• Spending a few minutes near a river, stream, or creek or simply outside to enjoy nature

• Lying on the ground and taking in the fresh air

• Being with a loved one without distractions

• Sitting on the porch while reading, or knitting something, or with a nice drink

• Walking or driving for an hour, any direction without a destination

• Play air (or real) guitar or drums while listening to music

• Greeting sunrise

• Driving out to where the city lights do not interfere with the night sky

• Praying or meditation

• Sitting on a bridge with legs dangling over

• Sitting by a window in a cafe and writing

• Sitting in a circle of trees

• Potting plants, being sure to get hands very muddy

• Beholding beauty, grace, gratitude of things in life

All of these examples and more can help you slow down and refill your energy, with little effort. Making this a routine creates a cycle in which you can return home to myself every morning and every evening. Perhaps doing something on a schedule will bare the most fruits of true connection with self. The great thing is that after you do these practices, you can return to the world with renewed energy to go about your daily life. By taking time for yourself, the quality of your work in the rest of your life can improve.

Assessing Whether Your Teen/Child Needs Help

As parents there are a ton of things to consider/worry about. If you think your child may be in a position that they can benefit from therapy, here are some questions to ask yourself to help clarify.

• What is your child telling you through their behaviors?

• What physical symptoms has your child been experiencing?

• What are you worried about for your child?

• Are you as the parent experiencing anything that could be indirectly affecting your children?

Remember your children don’t have the same language adults have when it comes to explaining whats going on with them, ask them about their feelings. Again, emotional and mental issues often show up somatically, through physical pain, nausea, dizziness, sleep changes.

Your children are sponges, yes you may not be verbally sharing your stresses with them, yet your children are quite perspectives to their environment and the people in it.

Respond with Acceptance

Move Away from Blame

Blaming yourself, your child or others will most likely lead to anger and resentment

Start the Conversation

In a calm and clear way communicate your concern

Reach out for Support

Assemble a support system for yourself and your teen, whether that’s family, friends and/or a treatment team.

How Autumn Affects Your Mood

People come to my office stating the fall is the most challenging for them emotionally. At first glance it may be due to the upcoming holidays, and potential stress and expectations that come with that. Which is definitely a factor, however a larger factor that we have little to no control over happening is that we simply experience less daylight in the fall. Daylight helps release serotonin in our brain, and with more people going to work in the dark, and coming home in the dark we are simply missing out. Also the lack of Vitamin D also plays apart, Vitamin D is often sourced for most people by the sunlight, and when Vitamin D is lacking we often feel lethargic and potentially less motivated.

Finnish researchers have found that the transition to daylight savings time reduces both our sleep duration and efficiency. Having our circadian rhythm thrown off having us potentially sleep longer than normal, having us disoriented about what time of day it is, which may led to missed appointments and further stress. Research has show that following the Autumn daylight time change an 11% increase in hospitalizations for depression in the weeks after the daylight savings transition to standard time.

If you already have sleep issues, know that a time change in either direction can aggravate your sleep disorder. Stick to a strict routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. The night before the time change, try to go to bed an hour early if you can.

Here are some tips to follow for the Autumn time change.

• Resist the urge to change the times in which you wake and go to sleep. Consistency is key, especially this time of year.

• Avoid alcohol and excessive caffeine the day before the time changes. Both can mess with your natural sleep patterns, and you don’t want to add more confusion to the mix.

• Try to take a walk mid-day even if only for 10-15 minutes to get a daily dose of Vitamin D, and experience the daylight you do have.

• Increase use of coping skills since there is less daylight to do activities that you were used to do during the spring and summer months.

Testimony of EMDR

Dare to Lead by Brené Brown was release a week ago!

I am a huge fan of Brené Brown, finding her work during an emotionally painful time in my life, and when I was ready to hear it, I accredit to changing my life. She has wisdom that is only achieved through taking an in-depth inventory of her own emotional life, and those that she studied in her research.  In her new book she explores what it truly means to lead from the inside out. As I begin to read her new work, I found this quote really inspiring and cultivating a desire to be an even better version of myself.

“When we dare to lead, we don’t pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don’t see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it with others. We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work.”

What I take from that is that leading is not being the smartest person in the room, not needing to posture your confidence, your intellect, and your influence as though those aspects of you are your true strengths and that leading and power are things to share and empower others with. By facing things that make us uncomfortable or are not our beliefs with curiosity, peace and respect we can create an even stronger sense of connection. Connection is what helps us lead even more people to their own good work and in essence our own good work.

I think we can all learn from one another, and by doing so we are building a stronger future for ourselves and others.

I encourage you to buy her new book Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts here