Feeling Numb and Empty

There is no health without mental health. 

Depression is a serious mental illness that many over look or just tell themselves that I’m not ill, I’m just sad. I’d dare say that they most likely tell themselves thats because society has framed our perspective of it as such. Depression can affect us in a variety of ways, DSM 5 defines it as having 5 out of these 9 symptoms in the past two weeks.

1. Depressed mood most of the day, almost every day, indicated by your own subjective report or by the report of others. This mood might be characterized by sadness emptiness, or hopelessness

2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities most of the day nearly every day.

3. Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain.

4. Inability to sleep or oversleeping nearly every day.

5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day.

6. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

7. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day.

8. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

9. Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a   specific plan for committing suicide.

People who have not experienced depression may have a vague understand of what it truly feels like. In the accounts I have heard, people use these sentiments to describe there feelings:

• A black cloud following me 

• Numb

• Alone, forever lonely 

• Empty, like a black hole

• Cancer of the soul

• No future can be achieved

• Desperate to breathe 

• Feeling alone in a crowded room

• Death may be calmer

These thoughts are shared and expanded upon by many that suffer from depression. Don’t minimize your own pain or someone else, the thoughts and feelings are real, and in order to get out of hell, you first have to walk through it. 

I'm Not Sorry

Apologizing, please pleasing, and disrespecting your self is what has been come to be known as how “women behave”. After embracing the lessons, wisdom and evidence that dialectical behavioral therapy provides I now can truly recognize the importance of being unapologetic of who I am, what I want, how I feel and why I do things. Life is long and hard, yet fleeting. The moments that we have to express ourselves are limited if we spend an abundant amount of time saying or feeling sorry. 

I think the obscene part of the phenomenon of the sorry is that we believe we are acting, saying and feeling sorry for the benefit of others, yet it’s one of the most self involved stance we can take. All sorts of concerned rush through our minds about how people see us, and how we think our impact on people is so immense that we have to apologize. Plus we create a sense of self denial that is illustrated only clearly as being a martyr. 

The skill that illustrates how to become reformed apologizers is the FAST skill.

F- be fair to yourself and others

A- don’t apologize for who you are, what you want or for existing 

S- stick to your values and what you believe 

T- be truthful in every way that you can tolerate

Using this skill can be done all out of order or even sperately. 

When you can maintain your self respect, guilt and shame will likely be decreased when you are doing what you want. When you’re rejected it will be less about how it’s all your fault and more about that it just wasn’t right. 

As a child we are often condition to say “I ‘m sorry”, and often, where its likely to fill any “good little girl/boy” with this deep shame that can lead to doubt and insecurity. However that doesn’t mean that change is impossible, and that it’s wrong to embrace what you have been socialized to believe.

I encourage everyone to be mindful of truly often we say those shame provoking words of “I ‘m sorry”. 

No "I" in Team

The adage in the title almost speaks for itself. We as individuals try out darnedest to be important, whether it’s being successful in career or being the pillar of your family or carrying out a message your passionate about to others. We take pride in being valued, loved, known by others. This is vastly different from the recent past, where the emphasis on working together didn’t even have to be made since it was assumed. 

We currently live in a society that prides itself in individual freedom. Which I’d argue is a valued principle in my life as well as many. Marching to the beat of our own drum, speaking our own truths, attempting to personally erase any shame we feel by non-acceptance from others. 

The dialectic in this is that; we as humans are naturally social creates. We are designed to live in communities, to thrive. We even live in a society where we work together on a larger industrial scale where we each have our own trade and function. And we in essense have found a sense of pride in “going it on our own”. To not rely on others, to be a strong individual. 
Within this quest for individuality we have created an emotional and personal distance among us. We begin to develop this thought that  our life is really only about us, and that out of everyone else we matter most. A dialectic that I’d like to highlight here is that we do matter, we matter a whole heck of a lot and so do other people. So the balance between working on getting our needs met and working on the collective has become a profound dilemma in many individual lives. 

So really how do you strike that balance?  I think we can work as a team while respecting our own desires. In modern American society it may seem to be a continous tug a war, which may create some angst, dissatisfaction, depression, delusion etc. I don’t think there is a precise answer for how to figure this out or map a plan for success to help rectify this dilemma. A process in seeking the balance and be mindful of this idea is what I feel is the most we can do. 

Enjoy Life

By doing activities and being around people you like and even love! For example this weekend I spent time painting, and just appreciated the process. 

Too often we all spend time doing things we believe we "have to" and tolerate people that are not pleasant because its "the nice thing to do". I've been guilty of this, feeling like it made me a better person to try to fix, and have patience with people. Honestly that is only protecting my pride and hurting myself, and possibly the other individuals in the end.

Really what has to happen is you have to stop making yourself be at the mercy of others, and learn to be comfortable with not meeting everyone else's expectations. It takes time to get to the head space of this attitude being comfortable, especially if this attitude is a habituated pattern. While making change, remember to take it moment to moment.

Creating Space

Often times in my life I become routined. I wake up at the same time each day, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed. I’d dare to say this is a common routine most working adults have. If we get in this seemingly mundane routine and find little to no fulfillment in it, it’s logical to infer this may be a source of discontent, restlessness, or even depression in our lives. 

In titling this Create Space, I want to use that terminology to mean: use your wiggle room, and use it to find time, find fulfillment in your everyday. Sure it’d be nice if we could all stop our days and jet set around the world to find the time for peace and fulfillment. I’d argue you can create space in your everyday to find the time, the energy, the encouragement to find that fulfillment apart of your everyday.

Why wait to learn to do yoga or learn to paint, or even read that book you’ve had sitting on your nightstand? Take a deep breath and breathe into the wiggle room that exists in your life to be a little selfish and take care of that restlessness in you and do what fulfills you everyday, not just on the weekends or on vacations. You deserve it yesterday, today, and tomorrow!