Apologizing, please pleasing, and disrespecting your self is what has been come to be known as how “women behave”. After embracing the lessons, wisdom and evidence that dialectical behavioral therapy provides I now can truly recognize the importance of being unapologetic of who I am, what I want, how I feel and why I do things. Life is long and hard, yet fleeting. The moments that we have to express ourselves are limited if we spend an abundant amount of time saying or feeling sorry.
I think the obscene part of the phenomenon of the sorry is that we believe we are acting, saying and feeling sorry for the benefit of others, yet it’s one of the most self involved stance we can take. All sorts of concerned rush through our minds about how people see us, and how we think our impact on people is so immense that we have to apologize. Plus we create a sense of self denial that is illustrated only clearly as being a martyr.
The skill that illustrates how to become reformed apologizers is the FAST skill.
F- be fair to yourself and others
A- don’t apologize for who you are, what you want or for existing
S- stick to your values and what you believe
T- be truthful in every way that you can tolerate
Using this skill can be done all out of order or even sperately.
When you can maintain your self respect, guilt and shame will likely be decreased when you are doing what you want. When you’re rejected it will be less about how it’s all your fault and more about that it just wasn’t right.
As a child we are often condition to say “I ‘m sorry”, and often, where its likely to fill any “good little girl/boy” with this deep shame that can lead to doubt and insecurity. However that doesn’t mean that change is impossible, and that it’s wrong to embrace what you have been socialized to believe.
I encourage everyone to be mindful of truly often we say those shame provoking words of “I ‘m sorry”.