How Strained Relationships Impact the Family System

By Courtney Miller, LPC

Many forms of strained relationships exist between family members. One of the most popular forms is difficult communication between couples which can precipitate into a downward spiral that can often include the children and other family members.

Let’s be honest: every relationship can have its difficulties one way or another. Dysfunctional communication is known to make tough situations worse, with this type of strain on a relationship, many things can unfold that may not be predictable.

Relationships grow and strengthen when a couple happily connects, gains trust, and finds interest in one another. As relationships grow and strengthen, communication grows and strengthens as well. However, difficult situations can happen that may begin to overshadow the positives that previously occurred. Examples of these situations may be:

• chaos at work

• sudden change at home

• change in interests

• changes in family health

• changes in family living/financial situation

• disagreements on raising of child/children

Dysfunctional communication can also begin even if something sudden and drastic does not happen. For example:

• Just not communicating. Ignoring uncomfortable conversations and just thinking it will pass.

• Worrying things will get worse if you dive deeper. Fear that if they dive deeper, things will get worse.

• Friction grows when it is ignored.

• Expecting a partner to be a mind-reader.

• Trying to be right.

• Getting defensive and not really listening.

• Shutting down and refusing to talk.

• Contempt. Sarcasm, mockery, insults, eye rolling, and hostile rumor.

• Criticism. Character attacks and blaming others for negative things that happened.

• Defensiveness. Blame a partner instead of taking responsibility for one’s own behavior.

• Stonewalling. Disengagement, avoiding eye contact, and not acknowledging the other person.

These situations may appear and not allow the couple enough time to properly discuss their thoughts. Soon, couples begin to argue, ignore, and yell at each other every time the topic arises. It’s typical for couples to use criticism and blame each other for something negative that happens. 

If left untreated for too long the issues with communication between couples can eventually begin affecting others in their family, whether it be children or their own family/friends. Parents may begin yelling at the children and not even fully listening to what the children are trying to say. As a result, children may begin to blame themselves for their parents’ unhappiness. When children see a lack of communication and togetherness between parents, or arguing between parents, it’s likely for children to mimic that behavior at school. 

Even if the dysfunctional communication does begin affecting others, that does not mean that it can never be helped. The first step in working towards rebuilding communication is for both people involved to notice the problem and want to re-build it. As always, couples therapy and/or family therapy can help to open to one another about difficult communication, what may have brought it on, and slow steps to rebuild it. Communication can also be strengthened at home. Some of the main steps to work on are as follows:

• Take a 20-minute time out. 

• Stay focused. Try to stay on the current issue at the moment. 

• Try mindful meditation, which can help you stay focused in the present.

• Listen carefully. Hear them out; don’t interrupt, get distracted, or defensive.

• Reflect back what they say. Helps them know you understand.

• Try to see their point of view. If you don’t understand, ask more questions until you do.

• Respond to criticism with empathy. Try to understand other’s reasoning with acceptance.

• Try to take a step back and look for what is true in what they are saying.

• Own what’s yours. Everyone likes to admit to what is theirs, a great strength.

• Use “I” messages-Begin statements with “I” and make them about yourself.

• Look for compromise.

• Take a time out. When you feel the anger coming, take a small break to cool down.

If someone, or both, are still unable to rebuild their communication to their goals they may need to bring in someone else for help. As previously mentioned, couples/family therapists are trained to help couples/families set and reach their goals step by step. 

3 Common Misconceptions about Eating Disorders

Like all mental illnesses, eating disorders are often stigmatized, cliched, and dramatized to dangerous degrees. In many cases, stigmas and expectations directed at eating disorders can prevent sufferers from seeking adequate treatment. The truth is, however, that eating disorders are not a lifestyle, aesthetic, or diet choice, but a mental health disorder similar to depression, bipolar disease, and schizophrenia. Continue reading to unpack some common myths about eating disorders, and get the facts instead.

MYTH: Everyone with an eating disorder is underweight.

While some eating disorders, such as anorexia, are categorized by extreme weight loss, most people struggling with eating disorders are not underweight. You can’t tell whether someone has an eating disorder just by looking at them, or even by watching them eat. An individual can experience a severe eating disorder and incur dangerous medical conditions from eating disorders such as bulimia or other specified feeding or eating disorders (OSFED) at any weight, or through fluctuating weight.

The perception that everyone with an eating disorder must be starving or emaciated can intensify distress in eating disorder sufferers, who may feel that they are not “sick enough” to require or deserve treatment. This stigma contributes to misdiagnosis and delayed diagnosis, even from medical and mental healthcare professionals. More inclusive exposure and discussion of eating disorders in more body types could help eradicate stigma and lead to more early intervention and effective diagnoses. 

MYTH: Eating disorders only affect women.

People who suffer from eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, ages, genders, ethnicities, and backgrounds. Media portrayals of eating disorders often focus on adolescent women, but eating disorders can affect anyone. With more effective studies on eating disorders in males, we are learning that there is a growing number of men seeking help for eating disorders. This could be because eating disorders are becoming more prevalent in men, or because more male sufferers are feeling empowered in recent years to seek diagnosis and support via anorexia treatment and other services.

It’s easy to assume that women suffer disproportionately from eating disorders because society is becoming increasingly aware and vocal about body image expectations forced on women. Body image and image distortion struggles are very common in eating disorders but are not a universal factor, or strictly a female issue. Eating disorders in men often focus on building muscle or bulking up, as a result of societal pressure, body image distortion, or other factors.

MYTH: My loved one needs to decide to end their eating disorder themself, there’s nothing I can do to help them.

Educating yourself about basic eating disorder information (and misinformation) and opening yourself up to being a part of your loved one’s healing process are the first steps to helping. Eating disorders thrive in secrecy and having someone who is open and not judgmental to an eating disorder can give sufferers invaluable opportunities to share their struggles and begin to leave secrecy behind on the path toward healing. 

Particularly as a parent or other respected figure in a sufferer’s light, your instincts about your loved one’s well-being should be trusted and used to champion diagnosis and safe, professional treatment. Approximately 95% of eating disorders arise between the ages of 12 and 25, making these authority figures a crucial first line of defense.

If you believe someone in your life may be struggling with an eating disorder, or are a sufferer yourself, contact us to learn about options for treatment and recovery. We offer anorexia treatment and a variety of services including anxiety treatment, online therapy, and more!

3 Common Misconceptions about ADHD

In an evolving world filled with more technologies, increasing work demands, and additional distractions, it’s no surprise that many adults report frustration or inability to focus. But for adults wrestling with ADHD, maintaining focus is an even more challenging battle compared to those without ADHD. Adults with ADHD often struggle with focus, attention, and controlling behavior, but all hope isn’t lost when it comes to managing adult ADHD in our ever-evolving world. In fact, it starts with debunking the most common misconceptions about ADHD and nixing the negative stereotypes.

MYTH: Everyone with ADHD is lazy.

Symptoms of ADHD may include disinterest, disorganization, or procrastination causing some individuals to accuse adults with ADHD as being lazy. More often than not, adults with ADHD feel less productive and motivated than their counterparts. The truth is individuals with ADHD may want to focus, but find they’re unable to and tend to need more structure and reminders to complete tasks – especially if activities require sustained mental energy. However, this shouldn’t be mistaken for laziness. This mistaken judgement can lead to poor self-esteem and lower confidence levels.  

Rather, adults with ADHD are the opposite of lazy: they put significantly more effort into accomplishing tasks than people without ADHD. 

MYTH: ADHD isn’t that serious. 

ADHD is a disorder – not an excuse for having an inability to focus. Research shows that certain regions of the brain don’t synchronize properly in people with ADHD. Thus, their overall brain structure is different than people who do not have ADHD.   

While ADHD isn’t life-threatening, this condition can have implications on someone’s life such as a greater amount of stress, anxiety and even substance abuse. Often adults with ADHD feel continual frustration due to implications such as the inability to focus, leading to chronic difficulties with work and relationships. 

MYTH: Hyperactivity is always a symptom of ADHD.

There are actually a few types of ADHD including 1) predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, 2) predominantly inattentive, 3) combined. The predominantly inattentive type is referred to as ADD as hyperactive behaviors occur in the predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type. 

While ADHD cannot be cured, the symptoms can be managed successfully, especially through behavioral treatments such as therapy, social skills, and lifestyle changes. To learn more about how you can manage adult ADHD, improve your relationships, manage work challenges, and more, join us for our 6-week bi-weekly ADHD group therapy session beginning March 30, 2021. Contact us for details.

Sharing Self-Love in Every Interaction

There are no two ways about it: the more you practice self-love, the better you’re able to love others. The healing, peace, and understanding that come with intentional and true self-love will be reflected in empathy, clearer communication, and more meaningful connections in all of your relationships, including friends, family, romantic partners, coworkers, and collaborators.

And while it’s very true that maintaining boundaries is an act of self-love, that doesn’t mean your journey has to be a lonely road. Here are five ways you can include and support others in self-love:

Share resources

Find a blog post you really love? A new favorite guided meditation? Worksheets to help you check-in on your mental health? Share tools like these with friends and family members who are comfortable having a dialogue about mental health. Encourage them to share their perspective if they discover something, too!

Learn more about the importance of checking in with yourself in our recent post, “Stopping for Self-Care.”

Try something new

Experimenting with new self-care practices can sometimes be intimidating, but not with the buddy system! Consider an online Pilates course or booking a private reiki session for just the two of you. 

Have a self-care night

It may sound like a cliche but #SelfCareSunday or #FacialFriday are great ways to connect with members of your support network in a low-pressure environment. Pick out your favorite face mask, hop on Zoom and talk about your week––and don’t forget to really listen, too. Support is a two-way street!

Join a support group

Getting the most out of a support group, whether it’s online or in-person, can be much easier with someone you trust by your side. You can also help each other continue conversations started in support group, and hold each other accountable to attend regularly.

Play brain games, not mind games

Work on a puzzle, play a mentally-stimulating game or make a creative project together to unwind and get social hours without the pressure of a public outing or filling the silence. Stretching your mind in different ways can help you feel more alert and present with your companion. And it’s fun!

Building a support network is an important facet of self-care. Visit us online or follow us on Instagram for more advice toward building your mental health positive community, and maybe meet potential supporters along the way! 

Making Big Moves: How Career Success can be Connected to your Mental Health

Regularly practicing self-care can not only improve your mental health, but in doing so often improves your self-esteem and ability to perform, function, and thrive in other environments, too, including your career!

As you dive into self-love and learn more about what self-care habits keep you at your best, you’ll see improvements in all aspects of your life. At work, you may realize that you’re managing your time better, that you’re more open to embracing challenges and taking risks, and you’re experiencing less fatigue and burnout than in the past.

To keep this self-care momentum growing as you move up the ladder in your career, here are 5 ways to apply self-love in your profession

Participate

Share your thoughts, insights, and reactions whenever they are welcome. You know your abilities and your experience and you know their value! Don’t shortchange yourself or your colleagues by holding back your professional opinion.

Embrace your full story

If you’re looking for a job, embrace your personal qualities as well as your professional skills! Look for an employer that will support you as you pursue all of your goals, in and out of the office.

Share your affirmations with others

Whether you’re in an entry-level position or a leadership role, tell your coworkers when you like their work! Phrases like “your team really looks up to you,” “I’m impressed by how calmly you handled that situation,” or “your work has been awesome lately” go a long way in creating a supportive work environment that you too can benefit from.

Trust

Trust your experience, your training, and yourself! You’ve worked hard to be where you are and you’re prepared to take on the responsibilities that come with your role. Keep this in mind for everyone around you, as well; your colleagues are well-qualified to support your work.

Keep learning

Volunteer for projects that might seem like they’re out of your wheelhouse to gain perspective. Never forget that knowing your weaknesses is a strength!

In all of this, it’s necessary to remember where your career falls in your priorities, and remember to continue putting the most important things, including your mental health, first. If you would like to talk to a counselor about prioritizing your mental health or juggling career or school stress, explore our team’s specialities to find the professional who will be the best fit to meet your needs.