By Courtney Miller, LPC
Ever wonder what the importance of boundaries can have on your life? Whether it be romantic relationships, friendships, relationships with co-workers, or relationships with family, boundaries are important in helping individuals locate more of their personal identity and belief, and allow others close to them to know these things.
One may also not understand the form of boundaries that needs to be focused on. Boundaries are not simply right out in front of everyone. Boundaries can be mental, emotional, physical, and even digital. By knowing this, one has an easier time what to recognize and how to handle. Are you able to notice what upsets you? Does the effect begin mentally, emotionally, physically, or digitally?
In order to identify your true boundaries, you need to take some time and focus on things such as your limits. What makes you uncomfortable or stressed in romantic relationships, friendships, relationships with co-workers, or family relationships? How much will you tolerate and why? What will you accept? What makes it worth accepting?
View each of these relationships separately. On a scale of 1-10, how strong of discomfort or resentment do you feel? If higher than 5, next time you meet with the person take a step back and ask yourself why you feel this way. What are they doing, or their expectation that is bothering you? When someone makes you uncomfortable, it may be a hint that someone is crossing a boundary.
Now that you know what and who may be bothering you, you can take the next and possibly one of the most important steps. Calmly and clearly let the person know what is bothering you in regards with the form of relationship and why. Make sure the person clearly understands what boundaries are, is expected with them, and is up for them the equal amount as you. Openly discuss with the person what each of you believes may help rebuild the situation, why, and how. Boundaries are a sign of self-respect because you are standing up for your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Just remember, that if someone is going to hear you out and work with you, you may need to do vice versa if needed. Depending on the situation, it can make self-respect stronger.
Once you are able to set the boundaries make sure everyone tries to stick with them. If you find that you are falling back, ask yourself why and what else is involved. What do I have control over right now? Do I still want the boundary, why? What can I do to reset it? If someone else crosses it, let them know what about the situation bothered you, and what you can all do to continue to grow. For example, find something that may make it easier to remember.
Most importantly, while working on the boundaries, focus on yourself. Are you feeling differently? Are you feeling better or worse? What makes you happy and unhappy? See if any of these have changed and how since the boundaries began. Remember, boundaries are to help you keep track of who you are and can always be changed as needed.