Self Compassion, a concept that sounds simple at first glance, is something that many people struggle with putting into action. Compassion is the sympathetic awareness of others’ distress, coupled with a desire to help relieve said distress. To have this compassion for ourselves is to offer understanding and warmth inwards, towards ourselves, when we experience distress, suffering, feel less than, or perceive that we have failed. Developing self-compassion can be an important factor in improving mental health.
Self-compassion is often misunderstood. Self-compassion is NOT selfish. Many people develop the perception that being compassionate towards themselves will let them “get away with things.” Often, the worry is that being compassionate to ourselves will cause what we generally try to avoid like eating lots of junk food, not getting homework/work done, not taking care of household chores, or not keeping up with personal hygiene. Self-compassion is NOT self-centered. Allowing yourself understanding and warmth does not take away from the empathy that you have for those that you care about. In fact, developing self-compassion does quite the opposite, allowing you to be more understanding and caring for the people in your life. Fill up your cup with compassion first, and pouring from that cup into others will be much easier.
Think of your favorite mentor, coach, or friend. How did they support you? What made them your favorite? What positive qualities did they have that made them a great coach or mentor or friend? It is unlikely that this person only pointed out your flaws, berated you for your mistakes, and ignored your positive attributes. Self-compassion is being a caring, understanding, empathetic mentor to ourselves, being your own biggest cheerleader, or your own best friend.
The following questions are posed as a check-in, and can be used to find potential growth areas for self-compassion:
How were you unkind or judgmental to yourself this week?
How might a caring friend have responded differently?
How are you taking care of yourself so that you may better cope with the stressors in your life?
How do you react when you feel that you have failed at something important to you?
What are your greatest qualities?
Do you give yourself permission to feel all of your emotions? Are you loving to yourself when you are worried, embarrassed, or angry?
Do you value treating yourself with kindness?
Name one caring sentiment that you can say to yourself when you need support.
By: Amber Cherrette, LPCC