By: Regina Hopkins
“I’m miserable when I’m with them, but I miss them horribly when I’m not with them.”
Have you ever felt this in a relationship? If so, you may be in something called an addictive relationship. Addictive relationships are characterized by:
Being “on” and “off” again and again (many failed attempts at ending the relationship).
You allow yourself to be pulled back into the relationship, even if you’ve tried to end it before.
Have a hard time going “no contact” with the person (if you’ve decided to end things). You may keep a window “cracked” open just in case.
You feel like you may never find somebody else again.
You give yourself reasons for staying in the relationship that is skewed (not accurate with the reality of the situation.
Even though others have pointed out that the relationship is unhealthy and likely to remain, you feel “stuck” and don’t know how to get out.
If you’re trying to leave a relationship that is characterized as “addictive”, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind:
Identify your needs and focus on getting those needs met more effectively.
Engage in as many activities daily as you can that help bring you a sense of peace and tranquility or calmness.
Practice daily gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal and start your day off by noting 3 things to be grateful for.
Find a support group of like-minded individuals who can understand what you’re going through.
Make a list of the things that you don’t like that your partner has done to you and feel your feelings around that.
Identify and learn from relationship games and roles where you tend to fall into the rescuer, blame, or victim.
Identify the relationship “crazy cycle.” For instance: anticipation – encounter – momentary bliss – confusion – departure – longing – despair. This is just an example; identify the cycle within your own relationship.
Write down what is being fulfilled in your addictive relationship (a sense of belonging, feeling wanted, etc.). Notice the temporary “fix” you encounter when you are with your person; identify the “promise” or “hope” temporarily being fulfilled.
Write down the common obsessive thoughts you have regarding your person.
Consider talking with a professional therapist.
OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES OFFERED AT WELLMINDED COUNSELING
Therapy for depression isn’t the only service we offer. WellMinded Counseling offers the following counseling services: