The words, “Gaslighting, narcissist, and manipulator” are heard more and more when someone describes behavior from an ex, an unfavorable boss, or maybe even an in-law. How can an individual identify a true toxic relationship from maybe someone who just is not a great match? Maybe you ask your spouse to call the electrician and later when you follow up, your partner says “No, you said you were going to call. You are always so forgetful. I really wish you would not blame your mistakes on me.” You could have sworn you asked them. They seem so convincing…they must be right.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse and one way to spot a toxic relationship. The individual who gaslights gains power over time when the individual being questioned starts to also second guess themself and agree with the perceptions of the gaslighter. This destructive type of relationship can lead to long-term effects of suspicion and trust issues of people closest to them, and even themselves.
One behavior that can be a sign of a toxic relationship often coexisting with gaslighting is referred to as “love bombing.” Love bombing refers to a person showing extreme signs of love, gift-giving, and adoration as a way to influence and gain control. If an individual begins to question the behavior of the other partner and makes attempts to leave, there may be a temporary change in the problematic behavior; however, the gaslighting often returns with no real resolution.
Additional aspects to consider include if there is ever any physical or verbal aggression. Even if a behavior is considered “an accident,” it is still important to reflect on it as a potential warning sign. Also, if any harsh language is used such as name-calling, extreme blame, or shutting down when one partner is trying to give another gentle feedback; these can be extremely problematic in the future when trying to have productive conversations and can lead to constant derailment.
When you meet someone new and want to evaluate whether they are a good match, consider the following actions: Ask trusted family and friends their true opinions about the person. Family and friends can have good intuition about traits that would be a good fit for you or notice a behavior that may be missed by the individual pursuing the relationship due to current infatuation. Trusting your instincts is another important action to evaluate For example, is there concern your partner may have an extreme reaction to something minor, such as a simple change in plans? Additionally, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” If someone has previously tried to distance you from family or close friends, the isolation being imposed is something to explore, especially if there is no abuse or negative behaviors from these family or friends that would warrant the needed boundary.
Contrary to what social media, Netflix, and Disney movies portray, the perfect relationship does not exist. With more and more dating apps on the rise, staying safe and using good judgment are necessary for a healthy and fulfilling long-term relationship. Some of the most foundational aspects to experiencing a healthy relationship are feelings of emotional and physical safety, trust, and a sense of reliability (consistency and predictability in behaviors). If you or someone you know may be in danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Support is available 24/7, and everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationships. You are worthy of care, and help—and hope—are always within reach.
https://www.psychologytoday.
https://www.psychologytoday.
https://www.psychologytoday.
OTHER COUNSELING SERVICES WE OFFER IN DENVER, CO
We offer a variety of additional services besides brain-spotting and EMDR therapy. WellMinded Counseling also offers the following therapy services: