While many of us have felt the need to juggle our professional life with our personal life for several months now, few of us feel we accomplish this balance successfully. In a world filled with digital influencers on social media and through email marketing, it’s tough to not compare yourself to others who seemingly “have it all together.” The reality? Many of us strive for perfectionism without realizing that it isn’t realistic. No one actually “has it all figured out.”

Let’s be honest: Feeling insecure and striving for perfectionism is painful, and even more painful during an uncomfortable, unusual time such as the current pandemic. While many, if not all people, are faced with negative feelings at one time or another, lacking a strong sense of self-love or self-esteem can wreak havoc on our happiness. 

Even more apparent in today’s world, individuals are constantly expected to not only fulfill multiple roles, but fulfill each of them exceptionally well. Today’s working executives are also parents, daughters or sons, caretakers, or community volunteers. The growing list of responsibilities while still maintaining balance is increasingly becoming more unrealistic, leading us to feel the woes of poor self-esteem.

Often, we may experience: 

• Doubtfulness

• Feeling like you're "not enough"

• Difficulty making decisions for yourself

• Feelings of failure, emptiness, intense disappointment

• Hypersensitivity to peoples comments

• Inability to discern who to trust and who not to trust

• Holding rigid views of self

Low self-esteem and lack of self-love can appear in three forms:

1. The Impostor: acts happy and successful, but is really terrified of failure. Lives with the constant fear that she or he will be "found out." Needs continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition, and burn-out. Often looks like a high-achieving individual.

2. The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of others - especially people who are important or powerful - don't matter. Lives with constant anger about not feeling "good enough." Continuously needs to prove that others' judgments and criticisms don't hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority. Often looks like Oppositional Defiance in teenagers.

3. The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue. Uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life. Looks constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement, and excessive reliance on others in relationships. Often looks like someone that plays a victim.

Regardless if we’re living in an unprecedented pandemic, the growing list of responsibilities for all Americans is unprecedented. The responsibilities one has now are greater than the responsibilities held by our counterparts from 10, 20 or 30 years ago. 

Rather than thinking in terms of “I should do this” or “I need to do this,” dig deep - and cut yourself some slack. Today’s world is filled with more exponential changes than we ever thought could exist. 

All hope isn’t lost when it comes to establishing self-love to manage perfectionism. Therapy can help you to regain or gain a sense of self-confidence and thus, self-love. After all, therapy is an investment in yourself because you will:

• Unmask persona that they are putting on to hide their self-esteem issues

• Explore feelings of feeling less competent than most others. 

• Raise awareness of self disapproval statements.

• Raise insight into the origins and current sources of low self esteem. 

• Identify and list activities that would improve self image and define a plan to achieve those goals.

• Reduce fear of rejection while increasing statements of self acceptance.

• Reduce the frequency of negative self descriptive feelings and increase frequency of positive self descriptive feelings.

• Learn to acknowledge and accept verbal compliments from others.

• Raise frequency of assertive behaviors. 

• Develop realistic attainable goals in different areas of life.

• Take full responsibility for accomplishments without discounting his or her effort. 

• Identify and list any negative self talk messages used to reinforce low self esteem. 

• Use positive self talk messages to build self esteem. 

• Raise the frequency and ability to speak up with confidence in social situations.

Ready to explore how therapy can help you ignite your self-love and manage perfectionism? Contact us today!